l+pG+l:::2

等等等等。。

2012-01-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

Learning Center Brain Storming Memo

2011-12-24T11:03:00.000-08:00

Vision: To create a self learning environment for children. Children have a natural motivation to learn and we are here to unfold the potentials and motivations for learning. Attitude to learn is the most important part for learning, if they love to learn, they can learn. Attitude > Ability.

Scope: English -- Then Stretch out to Art, Music, Mathematics

Feel: Should be like a Mini School, focusing on long term development and lessons rather than short term tutorial.

Value Added: (What is added compared to other tutorial centers)

Monthly Parents Meeting and Evaluation (Group)
Individual Parents Meeting if Interested (Fee?)
Phone Conversations and Recording (Oral)
Email/Facebook posts
Certificate (Toefl, Ilets, British Council, Cambridge, other research)
Enrichment Classes (For attitude and psychology)- free or paid? monthly basis
Personalized Documentation
Website?
Blog - stories and homework?
Activities - scenarios in English, Drama, Speech, Testimonial Videos
Videos in Reception Area for promotion
Free workshop for Parents - Promotion
Chris Lonsdale book and other Linguistic/Psychology research for presentation backup
Customized School Bag (later)
Linkage to Come Buy?
Linkage to whatever organizations?

How to link back to school work and see results?
School Work Time FAQ?

Types of Children and Classes Division: - Focus on Primary Students (Expand to Pre School?)

Primary 1-3
Primary 4-6

Hearing
Vision

English:
Creative Writing
Oral
Reading
Writing
Listening
Movie Watching
Drama
Speech
Practical - link to real life project (of interest)

Self Learning - facebook?
Library Corner

四號與六號

2011-12-13T05:51:00.000-08:00

每型號於親蜜關係中所能給予的
四號跟六號雙方其實有着很多的共鳴，尤其是他倆都是高度情感化及在人前的一份不安全感。雙方都有着強烈及即時的感覺，他倆亦會跟隨他們下意識的靈感。因為這些共通的特質，六號通常誤以為自己是四號。這些特質亦是他倆賦予這段關係的重要元素，令他倆對對方都可以有着不凡的同理心和忍耐。四號跟六號可帶給大家一種靈伴的感覺，因為他倆都能明白到對方的受威脅感，及對外人的不信任。他們活像一對踏風的孤兒，彼此支持，互相照顧。當雙方都在健康狀態時，他倆會傾向支持及穩定對方而不是耗盡對方。他們是對方一個最好的傾訴對象，去宣洩一些向外不能宣洩的憂慮和控訴。
四號帶著一種感性和性感，及他們表白情感的能力，包括一些連六號自己也不知怎樣表達的情感。四號會談及他們的內心世界：一些六號可以加以學習的地方。六號賦予這段關係勤奮、實際、忠誠及對安全感要求．．．他們通常十分友善和突然地愛開玩笑，可以紓緩四號有時的壞心情及自我封閉。四號給予六號一種被需要的感覺，無形中幫助了六號建立更多信心去面對其他事物。六號喜歡實際的習慣，亦幫助到四號發展他們創作的潛能。六號像一穩定的地台般付出時間及支持去幫助四號處理他們的情感，這種型號的組合產生穩定及大膽、平衡和互補長短的關係。

潛在的問題
如上述提及過，四號和六號都有著被維繫的情意結。當雙方在不健康狀態時，他倆都會傾向敏感、批評對方、悲觀和容易受沖擊。雖然他們不會容易說出口，而是他倆都會用不同的方法來試探對方對自己的忠誠。雙方會不經意地收起感情來保護自己不被對方需要，但諷刺地，這種行為會製造到自我預言的實現，造成他們最不想面對的局面。雙方開始變得互相依賴，而這種依賴反而幫助不了他們任何一方。四號不會自動變得實際，六號亦不會自然變得對自己更了解。
另外一個潛在的問題，是在於四號和六號對變化的容忍度。一般來說，四號是比較自我發展和自我成長，他們也比較願意大膽嘗試不同的東西。六號則是比較保守和對變化抱着懷疑的態度，這兩種態度很容易造成衝突，令四號覺得六號在創作及成長的路上卻步。雙方都可以十分悲觀和自我懷疑，不開心及對他人不信任。四號一般對六號的投訴，是他們不夠自由自在和不夠浪漫，而六號對四號的不滿包括了不可靠和做事太衝動，被不穩定的情緒所影響。兩種型號都是十分敏感及被動，所以衝突可以很快加劇，彼此誤會可勾出各自的情緒投射及過劇的過敏反應。

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Avatar

2011-11-22T01:14:00.000-08:00

Fear is really a force that stops us from achieving. A force that we all need to conquer. A force that causes dishonestly.

And some beliefs are supporting these fear.

Eugene Schwartz

One Choice Away From...HEAVEN!

2011-11-16T18:08:00.000-08:00

Think about this for a moment...one choice, just one, can change your life forever. Simply put, your life today is what your choices have made it, but with new choices, you can change directions this very moment. For me, that idea alone is highly motivational because it offers tremendous hope, regardless of circumstances, for a better tomorrow.

Your life-changing choice may be to switch careers, to leave an abusive relationship, to go back to school, to stop drinking, to adopt a child, to start a business, to manage your weight, to start a charity...to name a few.

If you have the courage to do so, you could make any one of those choices, or others, today. And you would change your life.

Sometimes it's a different kind of choice. It can be to not quit, to not give up in the face of adversity. We've all been there.

Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen received 77 rejections for their idea Chicken Soup for the Soul. They had to make a decision each time...should they throw in the towel and say enough is enough, or should they keep trying to pursue their dreams? You know the rest of the story. The 78th publisher said "Yes" and they went on to sell over 100 million books.

In One Choice, you'll meet many people who made life-changing choices. And their inspirational stories could inspire you to do the same! Here's a small sampling of what the stories are about:

• Choose Your Career Passion
• Choose to Take Back Your Life
• Choose Financial Freedom
• Choose to Start a New Business
• Choose to Change Your Environment
• Choose to Simplify Your Life
• Choose to Take a Chance
• And Many Others!

Never forget...You're always One Choice away from changing your life.

Heart of a Teacher - Simple Truths

2011-11-15T19:58:00.001-08:00

Heart of a Teacher

Perhaps you had a teacher in your life that really made a difference for you, or you have children of your own who are in school. Just about everyone knows a teacher making a difference in this world for our youth.

Remember educators in your life this season. Reach out to thank a special teacher, past or present, who made a difference.

有骨的女人

2011-11-14T21:47:00.000-08:00

大家應該都曾遇過較豪氣，做事爽朗直接，有意見便直接發表，傾向較少考慮別人的立場及感受，她們大多是#8為主，當中也有少量#7、#6、#5、#4及#1。以#8為例，她們較難接受遷就別人，因此一於我行我素，從一而終，反而大家都有了抗體，懂得如何處理一些直接的回應，問題可能不太大。甚至在愛情方面，就是因為某些男生欣賞這類女生，才與她們發展愛情關係。

我想多說的是平時外表女性化，跟大部份女性外表一樣溫文以雅，但間中發表直接且讓人難堪的言詞行為，反而會給人類似我們吃魚的感覺，品嘗“啖啖肉”之際，突然吃了魚骨，給她刺傷一樣可怕！

當然她們的修養會是一個因素，否則的話，要數那個型號的女性會比較不考慮別人的感受而一語刺傷別人的，除了#8，就要算是#1及#5！

再重申，並非所有有關型號的女性都有這個刺傷人的傾向，第一刺痛程度當然不同人有所不同，不能一概而論。只是說偶然會發出有骨的言行，#1跟#5機會較大，大家要有所警惕！當然她們也不一定想是刻意傷人，在她們的立場來說，只不過是有碗說碗，在沒有太修飾言詞的情況下刺傷別人，而她們自己也可能不知！絕對不想央及無辜。

但真的不知者不罪？

The Power of Kindness

2011-11-14T21:01:00.000-08:00

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

Instead of a meal, he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry and so she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"

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"You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said, "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strengthened also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Years later, that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly* was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, he went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown, he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day, he gave special attention to the case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested from the business office to pass the final billing to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words:

"PAID IN FULL WITH ONE GLASS OF MILK..."
(Signed)
Dr. Howard Kelly

~~~~

This is one of many wonderful stories in The Power of Kindness. The great English writer, Aldous Huxley, was a pioneer in the study of philosophies and techniques to develop human potential. In a lecture toward the end of his life, he said this:
"People often ask me...what is the most effective technique for transforming their lives?"
He then said, "It's a little embarrassing that after years and years of research, my best answer is just be a little kinder."

This is the paradox of the power of kindness. It doesn't feel powerful at all. In fact, it almost feels too simple to be important. But as Huxley said, it is the #1 thing that can transform your life.

How can that be? Because simply put, kindness is the foundation of a good heart and with a good heart...a good life will follow.

This book will make a treasured gift for anyone on your holiday or birthday list. The wonderful stories, great quotes and breathtaking photographs will make your heart smile!

隱藏的大蘿蔔

2011-11-14T20:43:00.001-08:00

不用羨慕別人
因為你永遠不會估計得到，下一分鐘能得到多少：）

看到那個隱藏的大蘿蔔真的很激勵人心

Creating Power - 7 Steps to Success

2011-11-11T16:17:00.000-08:00

By now you probably know that quitting a habit or achieving an
important goal can be extremely difficult. You could go crazy trying to
succeed at just one seemingly simple thing, only to fail again and again.

You may have already given up on yourself. But don't quit just yet
- there is a way to begin living the life you want and more.
And I am going to show you how to do this.

You really truly have everything you need already inside you.
You can achieve anything you want - and all you have to do is train
your mind to work with your subconscious mind. It's like training
for success.

And Creating Power shows you how to get the most out of yourself
and your inner powers - so that life becomes easier and more fulfilling.
Before you can begin achieving your goals, you first have to know
what you want - and that means you need to get focused.

Getting Focused.

If you want to achieve your goals, improve your life, enjoy life or
discover your true calling - what ever it is you want to achieve
you first have to decide what is important and then come up with a
plan. You don't have to come up with all the details but you have
to come up with a list of what you want to achieve,
and have a general idea of how you plan to get there.

Did you know that 80-percent of people who write down their goals
achieve them.
Yet less than 5-percent of people in the world actually write down
their goals and desires?

Those are astounding figures - and think about it - just by simply
writing down your goals, objectives and plans you increase your
chance of success and achievement by 80-percent.
Did you also know that most successful people and the wealthiest
people in the world write down their goals and come up with a solid
plan of action - before they became successful? Now you know
why they're successful.

Why does coming up with a plan and decision make such a difference?

Because when you make a decision, write it down, come up with a
plan - you tell your subconscious mind, and you send out a message -
that you're ready for success and that you will accept nothing
less than success.
It's a powerful message that supercharges your subconscious mind to
get moving on achieving these goals.

I find writing things down and making decisions so important, not
only do I practice it regularly in my life - but I also teach this
process in the first week of my Creating Power System.
Start by getting focused, learn to decide which goals you truly
want to accomplish then begin sending your subconscious mind the
right instructions to help you achieve your goals.

Discovering What You Want

Now I know some of you may say: "Karim, I don't know what I want to
do. I can't decide what I want to do - how can I write down anything if
I don't know what I want to do?" This is a typical response.
But you know what? You do know. Deep inside you there is a passion
that has been covered up by negative thoughts, negative thinking,
and confusion from all those years of doubt and fear.

How do you discover this?

First you have to start thinking. Just start thinking about what
you want to accomplish in life. Fast forward to five years from now
- what does life look like?
What are you doing? Think of the ideal situation.

If you start doing that you'll get your mind moving in a certain
direction.

Decide what you want then supercharge your subconscious mind by
giving it the right instructions so that you begin attracting the
situations and people that will help you achieve your goals.

The Power Of Your Mind

The mind is an incredibly powerful tool - yet we only use a small
portion of it and when we do - and we use that portion poorly.
Researchers have proven that our mental state has a direct impact
on our body.

If you're stressed - you stand a better chance of getting sick. If
you're worried, you stand a better chance of getting sick. The mind is an
incredibly powerful tool - and when you use it correctly -
you'll be able to get back on track, discover what you want and
why and start creating wonderful opportunities in your life.

Why?

Because your subconscious will pick up the messages from your mind
and act on it.

We create what we think and what we think sends out a vibration
that attracts similar thoughts and people who share similar thoughts.
Think of thoughts as vibrations - that are picked up by the
subconscious and the universe and manifested in reality.

Beliefs have powerful vibrations and will be manifested sooner.

So if you constantly say you don't know what you want to do, or
you're not sure, or you can't figure it out - you're only going
to create more confusion and you're only going to attract
situations that will confuse you even more.

Stop this never-ending cycle of confusion and begin thinking about
what you want. Negative thoughts create negative beliefs, which are negative
vibrations - in the end you attract negative situations,
negative people and a negative lifestyle.

Begin creating the right vibrations, and the right energy to
attract the opportunities, people and situations to help you
achieve your goals.

With Creating Power you'll learn how to get your mind and
subconscious mind working for you. When you work with my
Creating Power system, within days you'll begin creating the right
energy and discover how to attract opportunities
to that you start succeeding.

Recap

So for today - start thinking about what you want.
Look at where you are now and think about where you want to be in
the next year or 5 years. Come up with a plan. Then see how your mind
responds to this new plan. Is it excited or is it giving you excuses
for why you can't accomplish your goals?
Examine your thought patterns - pay attention to what you're
thinking then take a look around you - does your life reflect the
thoughts you regularly think? What you come up with will give you
a good idea of what you've been doing and what you need
to do to improve things.

功夫英语解答 2

2011-11-11T01:07:00.000-08:00

》》这么多单词怎么记？

听到我们的用户反馈说总是记不住单词。觉得单词这么多，要记住特别难。我有几点可以分享一下，希望会对您们的学习有帮助。

1，潜意识的声音：您有试过在等车的时候，脑袋里不期然的播放前几天您在电台上，电视上或iPod 上听到的一首歌吗？这是因为您潜意识已经记住这首歌了。

学英语其实也一样，泡脑子的过程就是要加强我们潜意识记住英文单词和词组的机会。无论我们有没有刻意去记，我们的脑袋也会自动的工作。有一天，当您在等车或在发白日梦的时候，脑袋里突然在播放前几天您在功夫英语听过的单词和词组，那就代表您开始记住单词了！

2，词组就是"记忆钩" - 记住词组比记单词有用得多。人们平时说话的过程中，就是一系列长句和短句的组合。而所有的长句都是由不同的词组和短句构成的，不仅是英语或中文，任何语言都如此！因为词组比单词有更多层的意义，所以会引起您更多的情绪，会与您的生活更有关联性。我们要记住任何东西，首先要明白他的意思，要跟它有共鸣。因此，词组更容易记住。
掌握词组就是掌握英语的小逻辑，掌握词组就是为自己提高交流和使用英语能力的關鍵。
3，熟悉的感觉：您有试过听到一个生词觉得很熟悉，然而记不起是什么意思的感觉吗？觉得很沮丧吗？其实熟悉的感觉是一个非常好的开始，证明了您的脑袋已经启动了一个学习的过程。但是有很多用户因为把注意力放在 “记不起” 上，所以就慢慢失去信心，感到很沮丧。请您把这份熟悉的感觉记住，它是您进步的证据。
4，据80多份国际心理、语言学报告显示，音乐将提高记忆的效率20－50％，如果有酷炫的节奏相伴，不仅可以提高学习的乐趣，同时也更能提高记忆的效率数倍！

5，不心急，给您的脑袋时间：我们的脑袋有他们的习惯。因为中文和英文的小逻辑也有不同的地方，我们的脑袋需要时间适应的，而时间长短因人而异。不要心急，给您的脑袋一点时间去做他的工作。他总有一天会适应的。

》》觉得功夫英语的课程有点闷，怎么办？

我们觉得闷的原因有很多种，我们要找出那个根本的原因，才可以解决问题。

学习要有乐趣，首先要有明确的目标，第二要有对的方法去量度自己的进步。

如果这两项条件您都有的话，就会是以下两项原因：

1，课程内容太简单了，没什么好学的
2，课程内容太难了，完全跟不上

学习辅导的时候，我们因应您的水平做了一个建议。但您永远都是最了解您自己的人，也會有自己的想法，所以如果對學習輔導的建議有任何疑問，您可以隨時發電郵給你的顾问，然后我们再考虑一个新的学习计划。

有些学员因为把重点放在错的地方，所以也会遇到闷的问题。好像是六级八级哑巴，他们的词汇量很广，可能觉得功夫英语的课堂实在太简单了，没什么好学。但是如果不阅读，只是细心听，可以准确的听出全部意思吗？可以准确的朗读出标准的发音吗？

除了改变学习路线，我们的顾问也会根据您的需要，帮您找出一个全面的，融合多一条路线的学习方案。

》》要多久才会看到我的进步？

功夫英语主张用科学准确的方法，聪明的用时间，每天学一点儿，持续的积累，这也是为什么我们把这套自学系统命名为“功夫英语”的原因。

学习英语不是获取知识，而是培养技能。任何技能的训练都有自己内在的规律，准确的掌握这些规律，你就能把时间用得有效率，有成果！这其中也包含了一个基本规律——技能是通过每天练一些而建立起来的，就好像无论你多努力，绝对不可以在1天内“长10公斤肌肉”一样，也就是说，绝对不要期望，不学不练然后突然“一步登天”！

所以当学员问我说什么时候才会看到进步，我会说明天！

其实关键是对您来说什么才算是进步，是英语能比美老外？还是您的英语水平比前一天的您进步了？

如果想看见自己的进步，就一定要有一个有效的量度方法。您可以试试看在功夫英语上做一个练习，找一篇第三只耳朵的有声读物去听，记下您明白多少，然后再听对应的词组个和单词歌，再听那一篇读物第二遍。有明白多一点读物的意思吗？

当然，如果您自己觉得不可以为自己准确的评分，也可以找别人帮忙，如：老板，家人，朋友等等，最好是英语水平比您高的。

Perception Is Not Reality, Just Your Reality

2011-11-09T23:25:00.001-08:00

I get a kick out of listening to other people's comments after leaving a lecture or presentation. Everyone seems to have varying opinions. We all heard the same thing and I am sure the speaker had a specific intent, but everyone took away something different. It was too short or too long, passionate or lethargic, informative or not informative and everything in between. Everyone had their own perception.

Many of us heard the story of the man on a bus who was oblivious to his kids running wild and the women who was angered by his unwillingness to address their behavior and assumed he wasn't a very good father. She approached him with righteous indignation and asked him to take care of his kids. He apologized as he tried to calm down his children and stated that they just came from the hospital where his wife just died and was trying to deal with it. Needless to say, the woman was now a little embarrassed to have judged him so harshly. Her perception changed.

I added a phrase to the saying, "Perception is reality." Perception is reality to those unwilling to dig deeper. We make judgments' and assessments based on our own perceptions which may not always be true. When we don't take the time to find out more information, our perceptions can be hurtful, detrimental and unfair to the person we are judging. It often leaves us in a negative frame of mind that does not serve us well at all.

We have all dealt with perceptions in our lives; our own and those we deal with. "My boss doesn't know what he's doing!" "You are so lazy, selfish, ungrateful and on and on and on!" These are typical responses to situations that happen to us based on our perceptions. In my experience, my initial perceptions on many things were pretty far from the truth or the reality of the situation.

I also was on the receiving end of not so positive perceptions of my own behavior both in my work and personally. As we all know, it doesn't feel so good. The toughest things about it, we often don't know how people perceive us. As someone who believes in continuous improvement, I would welcome the feedback and hear someone's opinion or perception. As someone who has learned to be mindful of my intent in the things that I do or say, I realize that I cannot control other people's perception or work to please everyone, and cannot allow myself to get caught up in the drama.

Even though digging deeper may give us a more realistic view of a situation, it can never give us the total truth of a situation. As much as we may strive to put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we can never truly know what they are going through. I found a couple of quotes that certainly rings true.

"Anybody who's ever gone through a hard time - any outsider's perception, no matter how much information they're given, they have no idea what the person's life is like." Amy Grant

"People see what they want to see and what people want to see never has anything to do with the truth." Roberto Bolaño, 2666

Be careful with your perceptions and realize that they are just opinions.

Secret of Success - Goal Setting

2011-11-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

Why are some people more successful than others? Why do some people make more money, live happier lives and accomplish much more in the same number of years than the great majority?

I started out in life with few advantages. I did not graduate from high school. I worked at menial jobs. I had limited education, limited skills and a limited future.

And then I began asking, "Why are some people more successful than others?" This question changed my life.

Over the years, I have read thousands of books and articles on the subjects of success and achievement. It seems that the reasons for these accomplishments have been discussed and written about for more than two thousand years, in every conceivable way. One quality that most philosophers, teachers and experts agree on is the importance of self-discipline. As Al Tomsik summarized it years ago, "Success is tons of discipline."

Some years ago, I attended a conference in Washington. It was the lunch break and I was eating at a nearby food fair. The area was crowded and I sat down at the last open table by myself, even though it was a table for four.

A few minutes later, an older gentleman and a younger woman who was his assistant came along carrying trays of food, obviously looking for a place to sit.

With plenty of room at my table, I immediately arose and invited the older gentleman to join me. He was hesitant, but I insisted. Finally, thanking me as he sat down, we began to chat over lunch.

It turned out that his name was Kop Kopmeyer. As it happened, I immediately knew who he was. He was a legend in the field of success and achievement. Kop Kopmeyer had written four large books, each of which contained 250 success principles that he had derived from more than fifty years of research and study. I had read all four books from cover to cover, more than once.

After we had chatted for awhile, I asked him the question that many people in this situation would ask, "Of all the one thousand success principles that you have discovered, which do you think is the most important?"

He smiled at me with a twinkle in his eye, as if he had been asked this question many times, and replied, without hesitating, "The most important success principle of all was stated by Thomas Huxley many years ago. He said,"Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not."

He went on to say, "There are 999 other success principles that I have found in my reading and experience, but without self-discipline, none of them work."

Self-discipline is the key to personal greatness. It is the magic quality that opens all doors for you, and makes everything else possible. With self-discipline, the average person can rise as far and as fast as his talents and intelligence can take him. But without self-discipline, a person with every blessing of background, education and opportunity will seldom rise above mediocrity.

In the pages ahead I will describe seven areas of your life where the practice of self-discipline will be key to your success. These areas include goals, character, time management, personal health, money, courage and responsibility. It is my hope that you'll find a few "nuggets" that will help make your dreams come true.

功夫英语解答

2011-11-09T01:46:00.000-08:00

1。介绍说只有44种发音，71字母组合。意思是说发音总共是44+71=115吗?

您有发现有很多英文字虽然有不同的串发，但是读音很相似的？

例如 “law” “sort” “court” “fought” “ball” “dot” 等等，它们全都有 “哦” 的声音。

我们就将它们归纳为一个发音。

您可能认为它们是有一点不一样的，怎么可以归纳为一个发音呢？

语言的读音不是绝对的，而是连接的。从一个读音跳到另外一个读音，中间有千万个可能性。所以一个发音的定义也可以很广的。

试想想您用电话跟您朋友聊天，说了一个 “ball” 字。他有机会听到其他东西吗？可能以为您说的是 “Paul” 或 “bowl” 或 “pull”。又想想您重感冒的时候说 “ball” 字，又会有什么不同的效果呢？

44种发音就是英语有44个发音。

71种字母和字母组合，意思是英语的26个字母有71种拼法，有的是1个字母，有的是2个或多个字母组合。不同的字母组合有时候会得到很相似的发音。

理论上，如果FaceFonics的每一节课会介绍一个发音，那我们只会有44节课。但因为这一个分类的方法会让每一节课很长，所以我们再用不同的方法把单词分为几类，如起始辅音“k” 或 “末尾辅音 “k”。最后，我们现在有109节课。

2。词组歌有时候是无法看到整句句子，怎么办？

词组歌的设计是要让学习者重点去听词组，然后可以灵活运用这些词组去做新的句子。

当您听完词组歌，我们建议您回去听第三只耳朵的有声读物，这样您就可以更明白：
1. 词组在句子／段落可以表达的意思
2. 词组在句子的位置，应该怎么放

听第三只耳朵的有声读物的时候，也要留心有哪些地方明白。很多学员只是留意他们不明白的地方，却忽略了比较他们第一次听第三只耳朵的有声读物和听完词组歌后在听有声读物的进步。

当您听完词组歌，因为您下意识已经更熟悉这些英文的词组, 您的本能反应／直觉就已经可以告诉您英文词组的意思，完全不用经过翻译。您要相信您的直觉。

3。我在字典里查不到AUDIBOL 这个字，是不是拼错了？

AUDIBOL 这个字是Chris Lonsdale创造出来的字，目的是想要表达一个新的概念，而目前为止是没有英文字可以表达这意思。

AUDIBOL的意思是声音的SYMBOL。就是每一个字的独特读音。

语言是会进化的。有时候我们会创造新的字，目的是想要表达一个新的概念，而目前为止是无法表达的概念。

语言是一个创造的过程，不是一个绝对的／黑白的过程，有很多的表达方法都是因应情景的需要。

为了要表达我们的想法或概念，我们有时候就要“无所不用其极”的表达我们的意思。

4。怎么可以做到用英语学英语？很难不去翻译啊！

要做到用英语学英语，首先要明白 Same Box Different Paths 的概念。

想像您在看电视，有新闻台和体育台等等。同一台的电视节目，却有这么多不同的电视节目。这就是我们的脑袋了。

学英文的过程就是为自己的脑袋增加多一条表达自己的思路。两条思路要做到各不相干，这样才是有效的学习方法。

我们常说成年人学外语比孩子更有优势。是因为成年人在长大的过程中掌握了很多概念、信息，资讯，这些素材带给你的神经系统不同的感觉和印象。可以说，成年人对很多事物已经有了解，有感觉。这也是为什么成年人学外语会比孩子更快的原因。

以往，你将这些感觉和中文的（声音和文字）符号相连接。学习英语的过程，只是建立这些感觉和英文的（声音和文字）符号连接的过程。

但是，很多人把这概念给弄混了。他们以为成年人掌握的概念一定要用中文的（声音和文字）符号先表达，然后才翻译成英文的（声音和文字）符号。

要做到 Same Box Different Paths，这样是不行的。其实您只要把您脑袋里的概念先变成一幅图片，一幅画或一个感觉，然后再用英文把这幅画给描述出来。

记得在 The Third Ear 中，一个关于企鹅站在冰块上的故事吗？英文的表达思路就是那一块冰块。开始的时候，冰块很小很小，站在上面总是会有一些很危险的感觉。但是但您放心，放胆去灵活运用这一块冰块，它就会越来越结实，越来越稳固。甚至慢慢的，它会变大，到时候您就可以很舒服的站在上面了。

5。我记不住第三只耳朵的有声读物里面的故事，怎么办？

如果您有留心读的话，您会发现第三只耳朵里面的故事不只是故事这么简单，而是一些会挑战我们旧有思维的反传统学习法。

有些学员在一对一口语课程反馈说觉得记住第三只耳朵里面的故事很困难。他们可能会认为因为他们不明白故事的内容，所以很难记住。

但是这个完全是心理上的障碍。第三只耳朵的中文翻译理应完全解决了理解的问题。

所以这些学员遇到这问题的原因有两个：
明白故事的内容，但是没有信心用英语表达出他们能掌握的意思
明白故事的内容，但因为不同意这些会挑战我们旧有思维的反传统学习法，所以下意识把它们忘记。

能够记住第三只耳朵里面的故事不是最重要的，最重要的是要深层的了解故事背后想表达的意思，然后把这些高效的学习法 “活学活用”。

书上的内容是总结了一些成功在短时间内学好外语的人的经验，所以我们更应该把握这个机会好好模仿他们的思维和学习法。

要记住，模仿是学习成功的第一步。

要模仿成功，首先要意识到自己内在的学习模式是怎么样的。什么方法对自己有效？什么方法会让您抗拒？

然后，第二步就是要找出有效的学习模式，从而去练习它，模仿它。

The Road To Happiness

2011-11-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

When I travel on business, I like to talk to the taxi drivers who take me from the airport to my hotel, or to a convention center, or to a restaurant. Taxi drivers are often immigrants with interesting personal histories and unusual cultural backgrounds. I ask them how long they've been in America, how they chose which city to live in, and what they like best about where they live. Of course, I also ask them for advice on good local restaurants and any special attractions they'd recommend to a visitor. I've had some great experiences on my travels, thanks to the advice of taxi drivers!

On one trip about ten years ago, I was making conversation with the taxi driver, asking him my usual questions about how he came to live where he lived. Then I asked him a hypothetical question: "If you could live anywhere in the world-and if money was no object-where would you live?"

Without hesitating even for a second, he replied, "I live in my heart. So it really doesn't matter where my body lives. If I am happy inside, then I live in paradise, no matter where my residence is."

I felt humbled and a little foolish for my question. Of course he was right-happiness is an inside job. He had reminded me of something I already knew, but had forgotten. If you can't find happiness inside yourself, you'll never find it in the outside world, no matter where you move. Wherever you go, there you are. You take yourself with you.

I am grateful for the wisdom of that taxi driver. And I'm grateful for all the wisdom others have shared with me about how to be happy.

Stress is a Choice, Your Choice

2011-11-07T19:41:00.001-08:00

Several years ago while listening to my pastor give a Sunday sermon, he spoke about how life is made up of a series of choices. It made me realize that my hectic professional and personal life was of my choosing. Therefore, a life of stress had become my choice.

Many of us hurry through life going from one place to the next, focused on conquering the next mountain, making the next deal, running the next errand, and believing we will never have enough time to do all the things we need to get done. Yet, there is all the time in the world if we just realize that we are the creators of this life we choose to live. That's right. Life is a series of choices and being free from stress is one of those choices.

Whether your business life is overly complicated or your personal life (or both), you have chosen this current system of chaos. The world is a tantalizing swirl of getting the next "fix," tempting us to fit more and more things, people and processes into our lives, personally and professionally. And because we are so busy being busy, it's easy to be lured into the fray, with our lengthy to-do lists. Yet, the greatest achievements have often come from the simplest of ideas and in the simplest forms.

To experience a simplified life, we first have to learn to slow down long enough to see through all the clutter. We need to realize that we are powerful magnets that attracted this life to ourselves - no matter what - good or bad.

After you read through the 10 Rules to Simplify Your Life, my wish for you is that you commit to simplify and enroll others for support. Take out a blank sheet of paper and create the life you truly want to live - with less stress and complexity - one that is anchored by a clear sense of your unique and simple purpose.

Millionaire's Mind

2011-11-05T19:46:00.000-07:00

I was reading a book called the Secret of the Millionaire Mind. Teaching us to master the inner game of wealth.

A couple of points that I found inspiring for me, and I am going to make a note of them here.

Blame, Justify, Complain

Poor people usually feel that they are not in control of their lives. Rich people in the contrary control their lives.

When poor people are playing the victim game, they usually focus on the world around them instead of themselves. They blame others for their failure, justify their actions, complain about anything that happens in their lives.

And because of the virtue of the law of attraction, they attract bad things in their lives. So, stay away from energies that blame, justify, and complain.

Love and Attention

We always mix up the concept of love and attention. We think that by getting attention, we get love. But it is wrong! Attention maybe part of what you get from love. But love is not attention. If you are able to make the dissociation, you will be happier and freer. Not just yearning for attention, but really finding true love.

Think Big

Create value for many people, not only for a small group of people, but play big. Do not just focus on your own ego, on what you want and need, but focus on the community. How can you provide for others, how can you be a problem solver for a big group.

Reaching the Stars and Commit

Set your goals such that you will not be overshooting your goals very soon. Set a challenging goals, like reaching the stars, so that you will at least reach the moon. But on the other hand, the goals should be reasonable so that you believe that yourself can do it.

Commit, ask yourself whether you are willing to give everything for achieving the goal.

Think Positive

See the opportunities and not the obstacles. See the gains and not the lost. Believe that you will win, not you will lose. Be positive does not mean to ignore problems. It means that no matter what, you believe you have the ability to reach the goals. If you happened to face obstacles, you have the power to solve it.

男女失衡加劇助長「光棍社會」人為選擇扼殺1.6億女性

2011-11-02T21:47:00.001-07:00

【明報專訊】隨着全球人口突破70億，男女失衡的情况亦日益嚴峻。人口專家指出，中國及印度等地的重男輕女觀念，導致女嬰人工流產偏高，以致未來50年成年女性減少的問題，跟全球氣候變暖一樣影響深遠，大量男性無法娶妻成家，將形成「光棍國」，影響社會穩定。
按自然出生的性別比例，男嬰出生比例較女嬰略高，男女比例是104至106男嬰對100女嬰。在中國，這數字幾乎是120名男嬰對100女嬰，部分地區的男女比例甚至高達130對100。在印度和越南，這比例亦高達112個男嬰對100個女嬰。男嬰出生率較高的趨勢，更蔓延至阿塞拜疆、格魯吉亞和亞美尼亞等南高家索地區，男女嬰比例超過115對100。
中國百女嬰對120男嬰
印度裔諾貝爾經濟學獎得主阿馬蒂亞·森（Amartya Sen）在1990年發表研究警告，全球「逾1億婦女消失了」。人口學家指出，因人為方式而「消失」的女性數字現時高達1.6億，除了重男輕女觀念與生育率下降因素後，最關鍵的是廉價性別鑑定技術增加女嬰的墮胎率。英國醫學雜誌《刺血針》的研究估計，印度每年多達50萬女嬰被中止懷孕。
男多女少增暴力罪案風險
法國人口專家吉爾莫托（Christophe Guilmoto）指出，即使中印的嬰兒出生性別比例在10年內恢復正常，兩國男子未來數十年仍會出現娶妻困難，預料男性可能要年紀較大才結婚，而且男性不婚問題將更嚴重。有專家甚至預期，男女比例失衡將令一妻多夫與性旅遊業更為盛行，甚至導致更多性侵或暴力罪案。
美國政治學家赫德森（Valerie Hudson）與波爾（Andrea den Boer）曾撰書揚言，亞洲國家男性過多，對西方構成安全威脅，理由是相關政府為了控制本土秩序，會「透過殖民與戰爭輸出暴力」。專研男女失衡問題的《科學》雜誌作家維斯膝達爾（Mara Hvistendahl）指戰爭之說沒有根據，但她認同，性別失衡的社會通常處於不穩，「歷史上，男性顯著多於女性的社會並不是生活的好地方。」
有法不依墮女胎風氣難禁
聯合國則警告，婦女比例少將刺激人口販運及過埠新娘情况。但專家認為，性別失衡問題難以解決，雖然中印兩國都禁止基於性別選擇的墮胎，但執法存在困難。印度人口基金會官員表示，以前村民要到城裡照超聲波，現在為迎合想生男嬰的人，超聲波師會下鄉問診。

互相傳遞快樂 - I can always makes you smile

2011-11-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

不是每對男女都做得成戀人，幾許只停留在友達以上、戀人未滿的層次。但無論是朋友、曖昧朋友、戀人，不如，都抱着這樣的宗旨吧：大家都把快樂傳遞給對方。

這是最佳的相交理由啊！要不然，我們因何要在地球相遇？當我們碰上，就盡可能互相把快樂傳遞給對方吧！這樣的宗旨，讓我們都相處順利，即使遇上難關，有此宗旨，就跨得過。

不是互相佔便宜、傷害、欺壓，無論我們是甚麼關係，我們都互相送贈快樂，希望大家都開心，祝願每一位都過得好。

從前不成熟的你，可能因為不能與那個人變成戀人，於是就反面，埋怨他，甚至傷害他。

何必呢？做不成戀人，做朋友不好嗎？朋友都需要緣分啊！普通朋友又好、心腹朋友都好、戀人也好，最緊要是，能互相把快樂傳遞，那就很有意思。

你會說，往往關係進行到一半，就忘記了這個宗旨。不要緊的，重新記起時，就重新實行，人是互動的，也是反射性動物，他見你重新對他好，他也會對你好。

對着幹、對着懷恨、對着廝殺，很累的呀！對着傳遞快樂，就輕盈舒暢得多。

聰明人，都該選擇做一些最有益最輕易的事啊！

深雪

Growing Apples

2011-11-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

One day I stopped to think about growing apples. I was munching a delicious, juicy apple and took a big bite. As a result I got an apple seed into my mouth. I spat it out into my hand, with the intention of throwing it away. But instead I looked at the apple seed. Really looked. It was very dark brown, almost black. Its shape reminded me of a candle flame. A little dark brown candle flame…

I realized I was holding an apple tree in the palm of my hand. A little seed with the potential to become a beautiful big tree - a tree that could grow thousands of apples in its lifetime. Thousands of apples, each containing several seeds, each capable of growing a new tree which again could produce thousands of apples. Why then the world wasn't filled with apple trees?

It is a rule of nature that only a few of these seeds grow. Most never do or are destroyed early on in their growth.

And it came to my mind it's quite often so with people's dreams also. Wonderful ideas come to our minds but they die too soon - we don't tend to the little saplings, we don't protect them as we should. And then one day we wonder what happened to our dreams - why did they never come true?
I put the apple seed on the table, and bent down to see how the light was reflected from it, this nature's tiny wonder. I wondered when someone was seriously growing apples, how many times they had to try to get a seed to germinate? How much work did it require?

Maybe it was like with our dreams: the seeds of your dreams did not automatically grow. Like planting an apple tree It might take many trys: like a hundred job applications to get that good job. You might send your manuscript out two hundred times before it was accepted. You might meet dozens of people until you met the true friend.

But if you kept on sowing the seeds of your dream, one day you would succeed. And after that others would comment you were lucky to be successful - when in fact you probably failed more often than you would like to count. But you were good at failing - you learned, you adapted, and then with your new knowlegde you tried again. And again. And again. And one day success was yours.

I picked up the apple seed again - but instead of throwing it away I took an empty flower pot, poured some earth into it and planted the seed. Maybe one day it would grown into a proud tree. I'd never knew if I didn't try.

變得愈來愈醜的女人

2011-11-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

我常說我們的九型人格型號一生不變，轉過頭便有人說：「誰說不變，有些人變得愈來愈醜…」那有衝突，他說的肯定沒錯，人的外貌，以至外在行為，甚至價值觀，都會改變，但我說的是每個人的核心需要一世不變。

沒見n年的大學同學，有當日美貌與智慧並重的，有冰雪聰明的，當中有些變得愈來愈醜！我所說的不是年華老去的關係，而是發自內心的醜！

一位#9女同學，當日已是文靜非常，但不言的智慧總給人淡定的感覺，如今貴為政府中層公務員，家住十大屋苑，本是惹人羨慕才是，可是現在的她，老態龍鍾，雖然皮膚保養得很好，但思想保守，說話拖慢，目光無神，了無生氣，像是人生目標已達成了，再沒有了新目標，一年一度的長假不能回復她每天心態上的疲勞，是怠漫的思想生活日子有功，侵蝕了她…

另外一位#7女同學，當年活潑非常，雖說不上標緻可人，但憑其口才，總讓身邊人都喜愛她，如今仿似是浸了水的面包，水腫了不少，絕不是發福了那種，而是會影響健康那種。她說她得了糖尿病，現在才開始學戒口，以往完全沒有運動，現在唯有迫令自己每天運作半小時，喜愛的食物吃不了，每天吃的是昂貴的藥丸，是#7貪吃難節制的傾向讓她受病魔節磨…

再另外一位#2女同學，以往總是人見人愛，車見車載，現在倒沒有以上兩位誇張，但看得出她是刻意不修飾自己！很難想像#2的女士會不理自己的儀容，細問之下，原來她說她以往實在有太多的追求者，影響她的正常家庭生活，於是她把心一橫，決定不再保養自己，不做運動，不注意飲食，平日素顏，衣著簡樸甚至不修飾，笑容也減少了，雖然不能用醜來形容她，但她真的心想事成，不再人見人愛了，是她消極面對自己核心需要的副產品，讓她加速被歲月摧殘…

日子有功，你的生活每天都被你的核心需要所影響，一日復一日，你的容顏也會受到影響，你需要的不是任何護膚品，而是要知道你的核心需要如何影響你的一生！

越能放下自己，就越容易快樂

2011-10-31T01:35:00.000-07:00

編：從週一到週五，每天傍晚5點多，只要你把電視頻道轉到鳳凰衛視中文台，就會在一直輕快琥珀的小提琴曲之後，見到一個理著光頭，戴著框架眼鏡，衣服逃不開黑白灰三色的男子走進屏幕。他軸上總是捧著一本書，裡面貼滿了各種顏色便簽。他會在接下來短短8分鐘裡，侃侃而談這本書和由書引發的思考。講完，話音未落，不說謝謝收看或者再見，轉身就走開。

這就是紅遍兩岸三地的讀書節目《開卷8分鐘》裡的梁文道，和我們在鏘鏘三人行或者其他時事評論節目裡見到的梁文道，還有從各種報章雜誌專欄裡讀到的梁文道一樣，是被尊稱為「公共知識分子」的那個他。

但私底下，梁文道又是怎樣一個人？

此刻，他就站在對面，戴著玳瑁框的圓眼鏡，鏡片擦得亮亮的，青春的發緊貼頭皮，衣服熨燙得很挺括，村衣和馬甲都扣在最上面一顆口子，皮鞋一塵不染。靠近能聞到他身上淡淡的古龍水味。隨身斜跨一隻小白底黑條文的布包，裡面放著一小瓶水，一大本書，兩支鋼筆，還有煙。一切那麼井井有條，像極了他摩羯座的嚴謹。

他堅持坐車一定要女士先上車，進門或者出門一定要女士走前面，初次見面一定是他快步上前躬身握手，旁邊人幫忙倒茶水他一定起身致謝，這樣謙恭有禮，又像極了老派紳士。等他坐定下來，手捧一杯美式咖啡，一邊用攪拌棒慢慢攪動，一邊天南海北講起他的生活，不時還會停下來和書店主人養的小貓玩一會兒，然後轉身問大家剛才講到哪裡了。這時你又會覺得他是一個可以促膝談心的朋友。

為什麼很多人喜歡聽梁文道講話？有人說是因為他說的剛好就是他們想知道的，他堅持的剛好也是他們最堅持的。大學念哲學，梁文道習慣看什麼都深究本真，可能正因為這樣，以往他在照片裡多半都是緊鎖眉頭。他快樂嗎？從出生在一個天主教家庭，到少年時想當黑幫老大，然後想當哲學家，再到最近成為佛教徒，梁文道的生命裡，除了讀書這個嗜好，還有什麼讓他快樂？

想悅己，你得先要弄清究竟「誰」是自己

「也許你和我一樣有過這種經驗：一件起初看來會讓自己開心的事，最後卻反而讓自己痛苦。比方現在大家都在熱 ipad和iphone4，假設我想我也可以擁有一件，必定會很快樂。於是我高高興興地跑去排隊購買，結果排隊時被人插隊，踩到腳，日曬雨淋，終於輪到我了，卻說賣完了。我可能因此變得好生氣、好憤怒，原本想要悅己的事，結果變成虐己。

我還認識有些人，一輩子都活得很難過，總是記得十多年前某某人欺騙他傷害他，或是某些童年陰影讓他很不快樂。其實，他仇恨的那些人，有的說不這早就不在人間了，剩下的也早就不再來往，發生的事早都變成歷史真正讓這些事過不去的，其實是這個人自己放不下。這時這個『自己』，就變成封鎖自己的牢籠。他被關在那些難過的記憶裡面，太在乎自己要求的正義沒有獲得，補償沒有實現。他想用怨恨來補償快樂，卻離快樂越來越遠

你看，我們變得和追求快樂的目的背道而馳，往往是因為沒搞清楚，那個想要取悅的『自己』，究竟是誰？它由哪些部分構成？或是糊裡糊涂把父母、老師、朋友，甚至大眾傳媒告訴你的需要，不假思索當成『自己』的需要；或是固執地認為應該堅守一個理論上不應改變的自我，把自己變成『自我』的囚徒。

所以我常覺得，放棄『自己』這個概念時，說不這會快樂得多，輕鬆得多。」

和「自己」保持距離，才能找到你自己

「我們常常要透過別人這面鏡子，才能瞭解自己。但既然是鏡子，就有可能變形或扭曲。這時，我們要靠自己的敏銳感覺看清楚自己。每當你覺得快樂或不快樂，滿足或不滿足時，你都清醒地跳出來看一下自己，這時被刺激，被滿足的究竟是什麼？我需要這樣的滿足嗎？人的確很難認清自己，唯有常常問自己問題。離自己有點距離，你才能清楚看到那個狀態下的自己是什麼。

拿最近發生在我身上的一件事來說吧。上個月，我以北京工作。剛到第一天，正在準備第二天一場千人的盛大活動，家人忽然來電話告訴我，我從大學起養了17年的貓，小吉，忽然死了。那一記得，我腦中一片空白，毫無意識地猛然站起。小吉像我的女兒一樣，跟我很親，從小就會爬到我的毯子上來睡，我一直看著她長大。

我連著好幾天都擺脫不了那種空白，不可抑止地想像她最後倒在地上的那一刻。她可有搏盡力氣地發出最後的哀鳴？抑或疲憊已極地常常睡去？生命究竟是什麼？那具躺臥的軀體分明就有小吉的樣子，但它比起之前還爬得起來的活物到底少了些什麼，或者多了什麼呢？

我很難過，就像失去一位親人。慢慢，我開始思考，我究竟在為什麼難過？也許我難過的只是從此失去某種習慣：比方我以後再也不能回到家的時候，用一種物有的聲調呼喚她的名字，期待她的出現；晚上睡覺時，也再不能期待她跳到我的枕頭上，用她的小腦袋頂我的頭；沒辦法再在我的衣服上找到她的毛……這些東西，我知道以後不會再有了。

我發現，難過的其實並不是失去這個伴侶，而是失去我自己身上的某種習慣。為有什麼事情你從此不會再做了而難過，就是一種很強烈的執著，會讓你很不快樂。」

快樂不快樂，都是背後有隻手在推動

「我們常常會為失去的東西難過，但最好玩的是，東西還沒到手，我們往往就已經開始擔心會失去它。其實你沒得到的東西，本來就不是你的；失去的東西，也不是你的。用佛語講就是『過去心不可得，未來心不可得』就像我的貓，她離開了，她就不再是我的人我未來會得到什麼，它也還不是我的，我幹嘛那麼揪心它？

人最痛苦，好像都在為『已失去』和『示得到』糾結。對現代人來說，還最怕在這個滾滾的時代洪流中掉隊趕不上這趟車。拿現在人人關心的房子這件事來說，我還沒買過房子，也沒搭上任何車。昨天我來到上海，路過一個據說是目前上海最貴的樓盤，幾年前就有人勸我買它，現在價格已經翻了八倍。朋友每次看到我，都說：你看，後悔了吧，假如當年買了，現在不就可以退休了嗎？的確，這話沒錯。但假如我一直為這事懊悔，結果飛機掉下來，生命最後那一刻，我還在懊悔沒買房子的事，你說，這樣的人生多痛苦啊。

讓你痛苦的，不是你沒有搭上車，而是你總是想著自己沒搭上車的那個念頭。在香港有很多人四十歲前幹活乾得很拚命，希望可以提早退休享受生活，結果退休後卻因為早年弄得滿身傷痛，沒兩年就過世了，本該享受的生活從來沒有出現過；也有些人，你覺得他境況好慘，年輕時沒幫自己打算好，退休後還得出來繼續工作養家但你跟他一聊，卻發現人家活得自得基樂。人對現在狀態是什麼感覺，比外人看他是好是壞，重要多了。

有位法師曾說過這樣一個例子：當有人拿一根棍子打你，你會不會生這根棍子的氣？當然不會。因為打你的看起來是這根棍子，其實是拿棍子的那隻手。但你也不會氣那隻手因為你知道，手也只不過是被利用的工具這麼分析下去，你會發現，那些傷害你的人，就跟棍子和手一樣，被他也不知道是什麼的東西操縱著。這時你不會生氣，只會覺得他很可憐。

然後往深處想，其實我也難免會做一些傷害人的事，會被一些我自己都控制不了的東西蠱惑。但佛法好玩在它也不鼓勵人自責太多。要寬容別人，也要寬容自己。老活在對自己做錯事的愧疚感裡，跟活在對別人的仇恨中是同一回事。不是說你不要去改變，而是先放下罪責感，然後去想以後怎麼做才不會重蹈覆轍。

快樂或不快樂，都是背後有東西在推動你，你要清醒看到那個東西是什麼。我們的大腦聯想能力很強，常常從A點蹦到H點再到F點，繞一大圈之後說不定又跳回A點。這個過程裡，我們往往不知道自己在想這些東西，而是讓意識隨波逐流。想要清醒，就要『唸唸分明』。

有個練習方法很簡單，人人都可以做到，就是『觀呼吸』。這個過程很有意思，一呼一吸間，你會想很多東西：我要坐多久啊？我等下晚飯吃什麼？諸如此類。當這些雜念來時，不要跟自己說『不行，快回來』，也不要責怪自己『怎麼又走神』。正確的方法是當一發現有雜念，就只跟自己說三個字『知道了』，甚至別說『我知道了』。很奇妙，當你一想『知道了』，雜念自然就跑掉，你原心就定了。等心定了，你就可以開始關注呼吸怎麼吸進來，怎麼呼出去，進來的時候是涼的，出去的時候鼻孔感覺是熱的。慢慢這樣的練習做多了，你平常觀察自己，觀察環境的能力就會變強，你的心就不容易散亂，不容易跟著別人跑掉。」

越能放下自己，就越容易快樂

「對現代人來說，愛情也常常是喜憂參半。我們聽過太多女人為男人變心而心碎的故事，也聽過太多男人為什麼會花心、好色的理由，甚至有人對此提出生物學理論，但我想說的是：人並不是自然的囚徒，人有能力擺脫本能的束縛。我們今天所有的道德規範，都來自對自然本能的約束和否定。

我承認，在花心這個問題上，男人可能有各種各樣的理由，甚至有客觀理論支持，但這些都不表示可以成為一個藉口或必然發生的事。在愛情世界裡，男人對女人的誤解，女人對男人的迷思，也許的確有很多客觀事實依據，但我相信，處於每段關係中的兩個人都是有能力去改變這些東西的。

在愛情中，往往越沒有自己，越快樂。太強調對自己的滿足，是欲，不是愛。慾望這個東西可怕在，它永遠滿足不了。好比買車，你總會遇到更好的車，有了勞斯萊斯，還希望有布加迪，還希望純個人定造；搭飛機，搭頭等艙，不如買私人飛機，國產的還不行最好是灣流公司出產的最新型號……你會發現，這個過程永遠無法滿足。在愛情裡也是這樣如果你總想滿足自己，你就永遠不會得到終極滿足。當你越能放下自己，投入像冒險一樣的過程裡面，你才會開始快樂。」

越不期待目的，越能得到意外驚喜

「我們常說：生有涯而知無涯。於是常常有人要我開書單，希望能在有限時間裡多讀有用的書。可我總覺得讀書到底有用沒用，我沒辦法幫別人回答。從我自己的經驗來看一些起初看來很沒用的書，有時卻會變得很有用，這個有用，是超出你原先想像設定的範圍。

我這輩子到現在，擁有的或者獲得的最巧妙的想法，恰恰都來自讀之前沒想到它會給我帶來這種用處的書比方我前陣子在讀一本台灣社會學家寫的，調查在台灣工作的菲律賓女傭的書。在那本書裡，我很意外地讀到一些想法，可以幫我理解今天中國民族主義的問題。你看，這本來是風馬牛不相及的兩件事，我卻從中得到啟發。

我們總希望做的每件事、度過的每一刻都要有用，於是不再留時間散步了，不願意坐在窗下發呆了，換句話說我們不閒了，這樣其實少了很多孕育靈感的機會。當我們失去這些機會，人就不太會有大的變化，很難跳出原有格局。

為什麼？你看『用』是什麼意思？它就是你設想好的目的。當你所做的一切，都是為了滿足那些既定目標你就沒墨汁發現在這個目標範圍外，更廣闊的可能性是什麼。所以讀一些無用的書，做一些無用的事，花一些無用的時間，都是為了在一切已知之外，保留一個超越自己的機會。人生中一些很了不起的變化，就是來自這種時刻。」

六时书

2011-10-27T01:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't start my recording of the day, 4 times a day. But I thought about it. I found that most of the time I got irritated or emotional is when people keep asking me about something I believe is minor. Or they are asking for a lot of times. Or the situation is complicated. Or I am just in a rush, and impatient.

I want to improve by being not as impatient and irritated.

I am quite split when it comes to the attitude of responsibility. On one side I welcome it, because responsibility comes with power and self value/self esteem. Meaning people won't just ask you to be responsible for something if you are a piece of Sh*t. So if they appointed me to do something, I am happy.

But on the other hand, I am lazy. And responsibility is just another word for trouble. You need to put effort, you need to use your power, your physical and mental energy. And sometimes I think I just get away with my responsibilities very stealthily, at work or at home. At work, sometimes I don't care about salary is because I feel that the more I get, the more I have to do. But I need to let myself know that it is not true. Even if you do not get much, you are doing a lot! So strive for a HIGHER salary.

I want to improve by starting to take up the responsibility to clean up my place. I want to improve by getting a HIGHER salary.

One more thing from the session with MH yesterday. I am quite a poor listener, because I am impatient to wait till people finish. And that's bad for building a rapport/a relationship. So I have to train myself to listen more, speak less.

I want to improve by starting to listen more and shut up.

Seeds of My Thought

2011-10-19T18:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, the things you read, you hear, you see, will just subconsciously plant a seed in your mind. These seeds grows into beliefs and attitudes, and actions.

So planting good seeds are important. And yesterday a friend said I was bliss to have a "mature" thought at such a young age. Although I said to him that I still have areas of immaturity and more so, physical immaturity, I still think that i AM blissful. To have planted some good and strong seeds in my heart and mind. Of course from my parents, and the people I met.

No matter how you were born, the seeds you plant will still impact you. So if you want to change and improve, start understanding the seeds from birth, and plant new seeds.

Here is a seed from birth that I noticed for myself recently.

Comparison and Envy - Healthy comparison is good but envy...well I posted a study on envy recently.

Envy is just a very bad feeling, and while some kind of comparison will help you to improve yourself (to work hard to reach the level you dreamed of), envy is quite destructive.

Either you destroy yourself and lower your standards so that you are comparing with a bunch of people that are lower than you.

Or, you destroy others, trying different things to pull them down so that you will look better.

I have tried both. But both ways are disaster and will not give you happiness. Happiness is be yourself without comparing.

Disability - I used to compare myself with others on my physical ability. And frankly speaking, I suck at every kind of physical activities. And the right side of my body sucks even more. Recently my boss asked me whether I like or hate my right hand. What a good question. I guess subconsciously I hated it. Because it hinders my life. It is a disability, and when I compare myself to others, it's even worse. But now I have to learn to train it up and love it. To grow with it. Accept it as part of me.

Balancing the time - Time is a limited resource in life. It all depends on how you use and balance the resources. I am interested in participating for enneagram project, but can I really manage? Now that's the challenge.

Happiness is given by yourself, not others - enjoy small moments in life that makes you happy. Just a breath of fresh air can be the source of happiness.

Area of improvement - financial independent, independent, my right hand, relationship with people, EQ, appreciate and not criticize, not so demanding, accepting...

And more important, believe you can. Tell yourself you can.

the ABC model - rationality - receiving a ball - playing with the ball - EQ

Reflection..about myself

2011-10-19T02:18:00.000-07:00

At first I want to name this post as Coaching in Kungfu English. But somehow I found that it is too specific to write about. Or I actually do not want to write about that. Because working in KFE is not only a working aspect for me. It affects and interacts with all my everyday life.

Just like Mei Han said, to have goal (what you enjoy doing) which is align and interacting with your life, your family, your job, your circles/network etc. is a blissful thing. Everything in your life will grow in the same direction at the same time. So what I am trying to say is I cannot just write about KFE and ignore other aspects of my life (that would complete the whole story).

Coaching in Kungfu English

My job so far..was interesting. And frankly speaking I enjoy doing it. Time for a self reflective process. It's always good to reflect on yourself: to ponder about where you are going? what you are doing?how you are doing it? why you want to do it? how do you feel for doing it? and how other people feel?

And that reminds me of a person telling me that I do not understand love. First thing came in mind, he does not understand me. Second thing in mind, maybe I didn't allow him to understand the real me. To everyone, love is different, and has a different way to reveal itself.

To him, apparently, love is doing 1, 2, 3, and 4. And to me, love is doing/feeling 5, 6, 7, and 8. No overlapping. And whats the use to keep on emphasizing the love, when its so different. Isn't it ridiculous?

I don't know. Maybe it will eventually works if love is strong enough - or quote on quote selfless. So that one person is willing to do whatever the other person wants. The 5, 6, 7 and 8. Even though he would really refer the 1, 2, 3 and 4. And I doubt, how long would it be able to last for..?

All I am looking for is a greater area of overlapping. A person who can can overlap with me, naturally, and normally. Just the way he is. Just the way I am. No pretend. No need to be afraid that if you don't pretend, then he won't like me.

Sometimes when I coach my clients, I am trying to be persuasive. And I am presenting 1, 2, 3 and 4. The thing I want myself to be careful is that whether they are thinking about 5, 6, 7, and 8.

As discussed during my mediation class, there is always something called hidden agenda that you would not know. Deep inside, the two parties actually want different things from the pie. But you didn't know that and just cut up the pie in half. That's a lose-lose situation. We got less.

To create value in the coaching session, maybe its important to listen to the real needs communicated. And try to match their needs to my presentation/sales/coaching/comforting (my needs).

Back to the question: where you are going? what you are doing?how you are doing it? why you want to do it? how do you feel for doing it? and how other people feel?

I know what I am doing, and so far I feel pretty good everything because they started to get into place. I feel like I am stepping towards my dream. What I enjoy doing.

Oh. Time for enneagram. Talk next time :)

快樂

2011-10-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

日日讀快樂句子，快樂由現時開始！

很多時候，我們看同一件事，是好是壞，是苦是樂，全由我們的腦袋決定！你要認為某一件事會令你不快，就會讓你不快；同樣，你的腦袋認為那是一件會令你快樂的事，就會讓你快樂！

"你的快樂全憑自己創造"

無論是給予愛心還是收到別人的愛，那種快樂是沒有其他東西可以取代！愛心與快樂總是走在一起！

"愛心和快樂是攣生的"

所有消極的情緒，包括空虛、沮喪、憤怒、寂寞、妒忌、挑剔、焦慮、怨恨等，都帶來不快樂的結果，要快樂一定要懂得處理這些消極情緒！

"快樂只降臨在有積極心態的人身上"

就算是別人開罪了我們，甚至欺騙了我們，只要一日我們未曾寬恕對方，那份怨恨仍然長留在我們心裡，背負著這份消極想法不會讓自己快樂！

"寬恕不會改變過去，但會令你將來更快樂"

你很可能覺得奇怪，但事實上真的是這樣！很多人不接受自己快樂！而選擇作賤自己、因內咎而認為自己不值得擁有快樂、或者是自己不及別人所以不應快樂、還有甚至有些人享受不快樂！

"快樂就由你決定接受它那一刻開始"

正所謂笑能生和，和能生財，快樂是可以間接帶給我們財富！君不見一些紅透半邊天的明星，他們愈紅笑容愈漂亮，笑容愈燦爛他們愈受歡迎，收入愈多嗎？

"金錢不能帶來快樂，但快樂能帶來金錢"

消極負面的事的確讓我們不快，但是最終還看我們如何看待半杯水。雖然消極負面的事大家都不想提，但是我們若以積極心態來看待它，它何嘗不能是一件最終使我們快樂的事！

"世上所有積極的事都讓我們快樂；所有消極痛苦的事都可讓我們成長，最終讓我們快樂"

不健康的人較難擁有快樂，那不用說了；相反，如果我們記憶力好，連一些不愉快的事情、別人的犯錯等都通通記住，倒不如學記憶力差的人，忘記它們，讓自己更快樂！

"快樂就是擁有健康及差的記憶"

有些人認為只有到達目標，才可以得到真正的快樂，卻忘記了過程中依然可以帶給大家快樂！

"快樂不只是旅程的目的地，也同時是旅途上"

不完美的事、值得挑剔的事比比皆是，看不過眼的話你怎可能會快樂！

"快樂不是當每件事變得完美才出現，而是當你能看透世事的不完美"

愛情贏家

2011-10-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

我不是教你去贏你的伴侶，而是想你不要選擇做輸的那一方，或者淪為雙方都輸的局面，最後要雙贏，倆方面都成為愛情贏家。

先不講贏！先講為甚麼會輸！

最簡單的原因，就是不了解自己及不了解別人，以為自己喜歡對方其中一或多項的優點，便發展情侶關係，卻不知自己受不了對方其中一或多項的盲點！要知道，很多時候，優點亦即是盲點，就正正是你自己喜歡對方的原因導致自己不喜歡或接受不了對方！舉例，你喜歡對方的外表討好，充滿陽光笑容，令你每次見到他/她，都不其然有心動感覺，可以說是那種感覺令你喜歡對方。當然，最終都不是單方面開始，而是雙方都願意發展新一段感情。可是那種感覺令你喜歡對方，它亦可能令其他人同樣的喜歡對方！那麼你究竟知不知道對方欣賞自己甚麼？究竟你知不知對方是想短線還是長線發展？還是甚至自己都不知是短線還是長線發展！抑或你自己也抱著試著看的心態，短線大家開心便可以？究竟你知不知道自己在想甚麼？究竟你自己在苦短的一生需要甚麼？你真的需要的，對方又能否滿足你那方面的需求？

太多問題？你不想面對？因此你有一日過一日？

Life Begins When You Do...

2011-10-12T06:25:00.001-07:00

Nearly everyone postpones one grand thing or a collection of mighty hopes and dreams.

Between the quote marks of our lives are phrases like these: "When things slow down...when I finish my degree...when I get certified...as I acquire a deeper knowledge base...when I have kids...when the kids are grown...when I get well...when I marry...when I divorce...when I retire...when I get that promotion, that raise, that job, that house, that whatever the fill-in-the blank is for your specific postponing of life..."

Your Life Begins When You Do.

You may think you are postponing the longing of your soul until life aligns itself with your vision, until elements conspire to be more favorable...but as it happens, life just lolls along at the same remarkable consistent and disinterested cadence. Life is impartial. YOUR personal, subjective life (dreams, satisfactions, contentment, achievements, vision, fullness, passion, aspirations) begins when you begin.

From my teens into adulthood, I said, "I want to be an artist." One day I changed the sentence to, "I am an artist." My view changed. Life began. I looked behind me and saw that I had been accidentally living as an artist. I had been laying down a path that was only now visible to eyes that had begun to see. Beginning my life as an artist made my heart's longing and the small, tentative labors of my hands - visible and tangible. I began by opening the door and simply believing that I could live my dream. I began living that dream by seeing that I could.

Your purpose, that thing that among the many to-dos of your days, is what you must do. Embrace the truth of your purpose each minute of your precious life...for how very true it is that life begins when you do.

If you would dream it
BEGIN it.

If you have an idea
OPEN it.

If there is longing
ACKNOWLEDGE it.

If there is mission
COMMIT it.

If there is daring
DO it.

If there is love
SPEAK it.

If there is resource
USE it.

If there is abundance
SHARE it.

Envy May Bear Fruit, but It Also Has an Aftertaste

2011-10-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

The new evidence from the Texas experiments is important because it clearly demonstrates that memory and attention are linked with envy, said Richard H. Smith, a psychologist at the University of Kentucky and the editor of “Envy,” a 2008 compendium of research on the subject. The Texas study also supports a very old notion about this vice.

“Traditionally, envy is linked with the eyes,” Dr. Smith said, noting that the word comes from the Latin “invidere,” which mean to look at with malice, or cast an “evil eye.” Just as an invidious comparison is by definition bad, so is envy defined by some psychological researchers to be inherently malign.

But other researchers, like the Dutch psychologist Niels Van de Ven, define envy in two different ways. There’s “benign envy,” in which you pay attention to superiors in order to emulate them, so as to raise your own standing. That’s different from “malicious envy,” in which you pay attention to superiors to find weaknesses that will lower them toward your level.

“With benign envy, the eyes are probably wide open and eager,” Dr. Smith said. “With malicious envy, they are squinting and resentful.”

By any name, envy requires mental effort, as the Texas researchers found in yet another experiment testing envious students. This time, after contemplating a wealthy, attractive peer, the students were asked to work on puzzles. Compared with a control group, they gave up sooner.

They were apparently victims of what psychologists call “ego depletion,” a state of mental fatigue originally documented in people whose energy was depleted by performing acts of self-control. Now it looks as if envy depletes that same resource. It may sharpen your eye and improve your memory, but the benefits come at a cost. Coveting thy neighbor’s goods is hard work.

Imagineering

2011-10-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

Here's a little piece (part of an article) that talks about imagineering. Worth a read when you have a few minutes.

Better than dreaming big

I will bet my next month's salary that many have encouraged you to dream big. Maybe even to reach for the stars and aim high. I sure heard that about a million times right before I graduated from this university. So I did. I did dream big. I did aim high. I did reach for the stars. No doubt, it works. In fact, the saying is true: "If you aim for nothing, that's exactly what you'll hit: nothing."

But there's something better than dreaming big. Believe me, I got shocked myself. And I learned it from the biggest dreamer of all time, Walt Disney.

When it comes to dreaming big, Walt is the man. No bigger dreams were fulfilled than his. Every leadership book describes him as the ultimate dreamer. In fact, the principle of dreaming and achieving is the core message of the Disney hit song, "When You Wish Upon a Star".

"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are; anything your heart desires will come to you. If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme. When you wish upon a star, as dreamers do," as Jiminy

Cricket sang.

But is that what he preached in the Disney company? Dream?

Imagineering

Well, not exactly. Kinda, but not quite. The problem with dreaming is if that's all you do, you'll really get nowhere. In fact, you may just fall asleep and never wake up.

The secret to Disney's success is not just dreaming, it's IMAGINEERING. You won't find this word in a dictionary. It's purely a Disney word. Those who engage in imagineering are called imagineers. The word combines the words "imagination" and "engineering."

In the book "Imagineers," Disney's CEO, Michael Eisner, claims that "imagineers turn impossible dreams into real magic."

Walt Disney explained there is really no secret to their approach. They just keep moving forward-opening new doors and doing new things, because they are curious. And it is this curiosity that leads them down new paths.

They always dream, explore and experiment. In short, imagineering is the blending of creative imagination and technical know-how.

Eisner expounds on this thought by saying that "Not only are imagineers curious, they are courageous, outrageous, and their creativity is contagious."

The big difference with imagineers is that they dream and then they DO! So don't just be a dreamer, be an imagineer.

LOVE is a verb

2011-10-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.

If feelings control our actions, it's because we have abdicated our responsibilities and empowered them to do so.

Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do. The sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for your children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.

You've Got To Find What You Love - Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T03:07:00.001-07:00

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Change Starts from You!

2011-10-02T21:35:00.001-07:00

Change is one of the tough choices in life. How many times have you wanted to help someone else change their ways only to find that they keep moving on in the same direction and with the same behaviours and attitudes? You can present as many rational arguments as you want but still the same old same old.

Take for example, a colleague at work who keeps doing the same job over and over again despite the need to adopt new ways, or more efficient ways to get the job done. What is the reason for this lack of adaptation? One reason may be that they are too set in a comfort zone because that is the way that has always worked for them and they know it cold. To ask them to adopt a new method of working requires them to move out of their comfort zone, and to take a risk that they might not be able to adopt the new procedure without making a mistake.

If you want to help someone change, they must first want to change. If they do not want to change it is the same thing as leading a horse to water. You can get the horse there but you can’t make them drink. The story below, which was written by an Unknown Monk, in 1100 A.D., reflects we can only change ourselves.

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world."

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

2011-10-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

Since I met whom I would referred to as an effective person on Sunday (and he gave me some advices and feedbacks), I will try and follow the steps he used.

1. To write down your thoughts of insight.
2. To have a decision tree.
3. No matter what you are doing, strive to be the No. 1 in your territory.
4. Know you niche and make use of it.
5. Be proactive and attend relavent seminars.

P/PC Balance
Production and Production Capacity Balance
The theory is actually branched from the story of a farmer and a goose.

One day, when a farmer is working in his farm, he noticed a golden egg besides the goose. He was not serious about it at first and thought it was a joke. Then, he realized the golden egg was actually real gold and he was stunned. He was so happy about the surprise. Day after day, he waited for the goose to lay more eggs. The goose lay an egg once every 2 days. However, gradually the farmer became impatient that he needed to wait that long. He decided to kill the goose and slice it open to take all the golden eggs out.

However, he discovered that there are no eggs in the dead goose.

The moral behind: Most of the people focus on the golden eggs these days (success, grades, results, sales etc.) but they ignore the goose. However, on the other hand if you just focus on taking care of the goose and ignore the eggs, you will be running out of resources soon.

The most effective way is when we take care of both the goose and the egg, and find a balance between them.

Personality and Character Ethics

Developmental Path
- Dependance
- Independence
- Interdependance: the highest level when you can be independent but you noticed the importance of relationship

Recommendation: How to win friends and Influence People

The Window

2011-09-30T02:22:00.001-07:00

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the outside world. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head: Why should hehave all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see anything? It didn't seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt ashamed at first. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood and found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that window - and that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room, he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes, the coughing and choking stopped, along with the sound of breathing. Now, there was only silence--deathly silence.

The following morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take it away--no words, no fuss. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.

Moral of the story:

The pursuit of happiness is a matter of choice...it is a positive attitude we consciously choose to express. It is not a gift that gets delivered to our doorstep each morning, nor does it come through the window. And I am certain that our circumstances are just a small part of what makes us joyful. If we wait for them to get just right, we will never find lasting joy.

The pursuit of happiness is an inward journey. Our minds are like programs, awaiting the code that will determine behaviors; like bank vaults awaiting our deposits. If we regularly deposit positive, encouraging, and uplifting thoughts, if we continue to bite our lips just before we begin to grumble and complain, if we shoot down that seemingly harmless negative thought as it germinates, we will find that there is much to rejoice about.

Development Pathway

2011-09-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

Covey describes three distinct stages of personal growth that we move through as we develop these habits:
Dependence: This is where we start, dependent on other people. And without personal development, we would stay stuck at this stage.

Independence: Through personal development, we become more independent and take responsibility for our actions. Still, however, we are not fully effective.

Interdependence: At this stage, we develop the understanding that, although we are self-reliant, we still need other people to accomplish our goals. At the interdependence stage we embrace the idea of working together for better results.

Insight on how to make our sessions value adding

2011-09-28T23:15:00.000-07:00

In the book, he draws a distinction between "Active Listening" and "Autobiographical Listening"

An active listener is someone who listens to what you have to say and demonstrates that they understand before responding.

A basic fundamental is "rephrase the content, reflect the emotion"

That's the person who listens to what have to say and responds with "have i understood you correctly that you feel this way? It seems you're having a rought time of the moment"

Now the autobiographical listener is a bit different

That is the person who just after you finish saying something, responds with "oh yeah, i had this experience once and this is what i did and this is what happened to me"

They take what you say, and then look for the opportunity to talk about themselves
so their focus is not trying to understand you, but in trying to find a way to start talking about themselves in relation to what you are saying.

Books to Read:
the 7 habits of highly effecitve people (blanchard)
how to win friends and influence people (carnegie)

Another Stage Again...

2011-09-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

May 2010. Time ticking away, and now it's September 2011. More than a years time. What did I do? What have I learned? Hard to make it concrete. But I want a review for myself...

Honestly, I really feel the same, and I don't have any idea what I have improved on. Still the same old me who hide away from problems? Do I have clearer goals and directions for myself?

Maybe I underestimated myself. Maybe I did have some changes.

A week of staying home with nothing much to do makes me bored already, and I realized I really don't enjoy to lead a life this way.

My future goal is to be a coach/consultant, hopefully private, so I don't have to follow as many procedures and rules.

I will give myself 5 years to have my goals coming true. My career and marriage goal. 27 years old is coming by.

Now still waiting for APS assessment and then I can apply for Australia schools hopefully.

Already applied for NLP and mediation...and what else?

Ah ya, a job for now...what could it be? Found some, emailed to some, feedback by some...I just wish I have a chance to gain experience in a field I dreamed to get in.

Bless me, and I wish I have the luck...Hope I can start a career path, and get the qualifications needed successfully.

你知唔知自己走音！

2011-09-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

有些人真的不知道自己走音，令別人受罪…你可能大有同感，可是你知不知道自己其實也有類似情況經常影響別人，讓別人受罪！

在日常生活中，大家都有不同的盲點，自己看不到的，別人看在眼裡，一清二楚，而且那些人清楚之餘，可能都是受害者。

我們經常拍照，面對鏡頭笑，那是指定動作，有些人因此練得好武功，成為最上鏡先生/小姐，連他們也以為自己平日都是笑得如此燦爛！原來他們平日可能經常沒有表情，甚至黑面。我曾經遇到一個學員，他懷疑自己不是#6，而是#7，我問他平時你應該笑得不多，不似是#7，他卻反駁說他經常笑…立即引來其他學員的反應，認為他平時並不多笑…原來這位學員以為自己常常笑面迎人，有幻覺！

另一位朋友，她會以為自己有領導能力，能一呼百應，平時一般她都能夠認真處事，有責任心，可是，有一次她按奈不住眾人沒有表態會否參加下次活動，語出驚人的以強硬語氣說再沒有回應便取消下次活動…後來跟她聊，她說當時她認真的處理那活動，而且誠懇的希望大家重視那次活動…但其實其他人都被她那硬朗的語氣嚇壞！

每每我們都以為自己已經清楚了解並認識自己，但其實按我看那麼多學員及朋友，30歲前能真的了解自己的人並不多，事實上，有些人到六十歲還未清楚自己的盲點，還會唱歌走音而不自知！你對自己的認知有多高，要視乎自己的智慧。愈聰明的人，傾向愈早覺察到自己的盲點(當然知道了改不改變又是另一回事)；愚昧的人，就算別人好心腸的告訴他們有關盲點，他們也會一笑置之。

你真的知道自己沒有走音？

興趣與現實

2011-08-31T19:39:00.000-07:00

第四型：最接受不了香港的「填鴨式」死背教育，亦傾向不認同父母的讀書為賺錢的冀盼，因此不少4號會因不滿而離開這個教育體系，斷送了前途。留下來的而天資較好的便唯有硬著頭皮抱著見步行步的心態去應付，亦埋沒了自己的興趣。你們適宜與父母設身處地的商量，要大家都明白對方的想法，父母會為你們將來物質上的保障而擔心，而你們則很難投身自己沒有興趣的學科或行業，因此大家必須要在興趣與現實中找到平衡點，你們才可長期的得到家人的支持。

在興趣與現實中找到平衡點...談何容易...人生真的有很多要平衡/取捨的事...可是變數也很多，要長久的平衡，就要多變...否則上一秒鐘你還在搖搖板的平衡點徘徊，下一秒鐘，對手換了，你一下子就不知道飛到哪裡去了！曾聽過飛機在航道上的時間只是飛行時間的5%，其他時間都只是在修正...人生就是一個不斷在修正的過程 :)

Count on Me - Bruno

2011-08-22T16:21:00.001-07:00

A Great Song!

Stars..

2011-07-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

太陽星座

我們平時所說的~"你是什麼星座？"所指的星座就是太陽星座。太陽星座是個性展現在外最重要的影響，其次才是上昇星座。

太陽是太陽系中最大的星體，占了太陽系所有星體99.8%的質量，是太陽系中所有光和熱的來源。由於太陽在太陽系中的重要性，人們對於太陽給予最崇高的天體崇拜，而太陽也的確是太陽系所有天體中影響地球最多的星體，其次才是月亮。我們在地球上幾乎所有的作息都是與太陽有關的，因此太陽星座是人格展現的一個非常大的主因。在解說出生圖時，太陽星座的主要特質，以及與其它星曜之間的互動角度是最重要的影響。

由於太陽總是熱力四散，就像我們的個性對外展現一樣，所以也就與人格的發展衍生出了相互的關係。同時太陽也影響了人的意志力表現，而意志力與行為是習習相關，而行為同時也與自制力有關，自制力是需要學習的；當然，太陽星座本身就會教導我們學習的方向。太陽星座也影響了人類在人生不同階段的表現，以及成長的模式，更與創造能力有很大的關係。

太陽星座是象徵男性、父親的，同時也象徵國家元首、國王，太陽星座影響了人的活力（這也可以解釋為何有些人在日與夜所表現出的能量各有不同）、表現自我（在眾人面前）、外在形象（讓別人感覺到的）、表現方式（用什麼樣的方法，將自己的想法讓別人知道；儘管是由水星所控制的思考，以及月亮所影響的想法，都必須透過太陽星座來表達）、創造力的表現。

同時太陽星座也可以看出此人的野心及企圖心、健康、外貌、體態、忠誠度、榮譽、虛榮心、自私、高傲、憎恨、專制、熱情、領導能力。

透過太陽星座，我們可以知道自己在面對男性時的態度，以及可以知道面對自己父親時的表現，以及了解父親所給予的影響力。對女性而言，可以知道在面對自己丈夫及父親的方式。

而太陽星座影響人體的部位是：心臟、胸腺、背部及脊椎。

月亮星座

月亮是最靠近地球的星曜，繞行地球約需要二十九天半，農曆就是由月亮運行地球週期為基礎的曆法

月亮影響了地球上的潮汐變化，同時也影響了所有液體的變化，而人體內絕大部分是由液體所構成的，相對的也受到月亮的強烈影響，尤其是月亮繞行地球的週期性，同時也構成了女性生理上的重要週期；有許多女性的生理週期不穩定，可以發現在她們的出生圖上，月亮所在的位置，以及與其它星曜之間的相對位置有明顯的影響存在。

月亮的守護神是月神－黛安娜，而月亮守護的是巨蟹座。

月亮影響了我們的情緒、情緒的困擾及表現、情緒的形成、內心世界、安全感及來源、本能（生活的本事）、反應（本能的潛在反應）、心靈的波動、感覺（指心理層面）、精神層面、家庭及家人、家務、記憶、個人習慣（從小養成的，就像人格自幼形成般）、飲食習慣、偏好、潛力、理想、想像力、接受力（就像月亮接受來自太陽的光）、適應力（這是很潛在的，是內心接受的程度，不是表現出來的）、直覺、氣質（這是伴隨著人格同時形成的）。

月亮是象徵母性的，因此也與母親有關，也可以透過月亮星座來得知自己在面對自己母親時的態度，以及母親所給予的影響力，當然也可以看出對於其他女性所表現的態度。對男性而言，則亦可顯示出對自己妻子的方式。

由於月亮星座的表現是非常潛在的，所以也就指向較具個人化的表現；因此，占星學家就透過月亮星座的所在位置來判斷適合的婚姻伴侶所具備的占星條件，原因是結了婚的男女事實是視為一體的，這就像中國道家所說的陰陽調合，而月亮星座的特質是會隱藏的，但是結婚之後，一切都無法遁形，這時雙方將會看到對方最私密的一面，能不能接受就真的得看月亮了，別忘了，我們之前曾提過月亮會影響到個人的接受力。

對方若是與自己月亮星座相同，那就是最佳的婚姻組合，其次及第三好的組合是由女性的月亮星座來看；也就是男性的太陽星座必須進入到女性月亮星座的對面那個星座（亦即由自己的月亮星座開始按星座排列順序算起的第七個星座）。第三好是男性的太陽星座與女性的月亮星座相同。

另外，捷克的病態心理學家－約納，發現可以透過得知受孕當時的月亮星座，來達到自行決定生男或生女的目的，準確度高達95%；這方法很簡單，當受孕當時的月亮星座是位在陽性星座，那就會生男生，反之若是在陰性星座，就會生女生。

月亮星座會影響人格的形成；不過，月亮星座倒是會有一段時期會表現在外，那就是幼年及小學階段。有點像是觸角的作用，這種人生的觸角，在幼年及少年階段伸出來感覺生命，並且毫不隱藏；當對生命有所回應之後，便收藏起來不再為他人目睹。若是在感知的過程中遭遇到傷害，那人格將會受到影響，而傷害則可以從太陽與月亮的角度，以及上昇星座與月亮的角度中探知。當然其它各星曜也具有對月亮的影響力，但是最主要的還是只有太陽及上昇星座。

月亮影響人體的部位是：胃、消化系統、乳部、交感神經、體液及營養。

上昇星座

關於上昇星座的正確說法，是指出生當時由出生地延伸到東方地平線，再向外延伸到黃道上所指的星座，所以，要得知自己的上昇星座，就得要先知道自己詳細的出生日期、時間而且要精準到『時』和『分』，還得要知道自己出生地的經緯度。
　　
太陽星座是將地球看成一個點來測定太陽在黃道上的位置，上昇星座則是將地球看成無數的數，而由不同的點來看太陽在黃道的所在位置。

上昇星座可說是人格外在展現的第二因素（太陽是第一主因），在占星學中會影響到人格的星曜只有二個：一是太陽，另一則是月亮，而其中太陽就造成了二種影響：一是太陽星座，另一就是上昇星座。

以往占星學一直都有兩派學說，一支持太陽星座為人格的主導，另一則是支持上昇星座。但是星星王子則認為這兩種學說應該合併，並且還要再加上月亮星座對人格形成的主要影響。這種合併將開始作出分類，也就是說：以各個不同的影響，用來解析架構人格的模式。

太陽星座主掌的是大格的外在表現，而上昇星座也是，只是我們將外在表現的部份明顯的分成兩類，一類是刻意的，也就是太陽星座。另一類則是直接反應的，就是上昇星座。為什麼說太陽星座是一種刻意的呢？星星王子多年的觀察：太陽星座的外在影響一直都是顯而易見的，就算是有某些星座想要刻意的隱藏，卻都適得其反的反應出該星座正常的特質；這是一種想要讓別人知道及在意的反應，甚至於常會出自己意料之外的做出一些內心根本不喜歡的事。太陽星座是一種展現在外的表現，目的在讓他人注意，或是感覺到。而上昇星座則不同。

上昇星座是一種不需思考即反應出的人格展現，並且有趣的是這種人格變化，只有在對你有深刻了解，或是你不覺得要防範的人面前，才會展現出來；尤其是當你自己獨處，或是和自己的家人、親近的人相處時。這種人格變化，不會在面對陌生人及很多人的時候展現出來。
　
像是情侶相交至一段時間之後，上昇星座的個性才會相互的表現出來，若是彼此的上昇星座在個性上並不相合，那就容易產生磨擦，也就會使當事人都開始懷疑為何不再像當初所見到的那個人；原因是人與人相處久，必定會因為熟悉，而不再隱藏自己的個性，這個性就是上昇星座所主掌的。

其實上昇星座所表現的特質與太陽星座所表現出來的形態相同，只是表現環境不同，所以當得知自己的上昇星座時，也可以去參考該星座在太陽星座的解說為何；也就是說若自己的太陽星座為白羊座，而上昇星座為金牛座，那自己在面對外人、陌生人、很多人的時候，是以太陽白羊座為個性表現的主要因素；而平時面對自己，或親人時則是以上昇星座金牛座為個性表現的主要因素。

太陽影響了人類人格的表裡，就像是太陽光之下，除了我們看到的實體，同時也有一個影子，而太陽星座就是一個給他人看到的實體，上昇星座則是那個影子，但是這個實體的形成卻是因為月亮星座。這三者的互動關係是很重要的：太陽就像父親，希望你的表現令他驕傲；而亮是母親，除了給予性靈，還默默的照耀；上昇是地球，也就是你自己，所以，你也許就只是想要做自己。

上昇星座是占星學中出生圖上“定宮”的主要起始點，因此地位也相對的格外重要。上昇星座是第一宮的起始，而第一宮的主要影響就是與人格有關；另外，第一宮所影響的有天性、性情、健康、體格、外貌，以及個人的喜好。

more information ：）

失敗..(but I won't fall)

2011-07-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

有時候覺得自己挺失敗的，工作如是愛情如是。短短幾個月又 ”分手“ 了。兩次都是這樣，到底問題在哪裡？我太隨心了嗎？可能吧，可惜我心還沒定下來，所以才有這結果。

忍耐/堅持對我來說，還是需要練習的課題。我又辭職了。家庭沒負擔就成了我現在的籌碼嗎？對，我看見我的自私，應該說 “人的自私”。所以，我決定放下內疚，專心一意的去發展自己，尋找自己要的路。不要再給自己無謂的藉口，努力去堅持，這樣失敗了我才甘心。

I want to thank my boss really. She took her time to talk to me about about my future career and what she think I could do to achieve what I want. She is right, I shouldn't be wasting time looking for jobs that I don't like anymore. I should be looking for something relevant to what I want no matter how difficult it is. Or else I wont be content/satisfied. It's ok to change around for the first year but it's time for me to settle down. To know myself. To be serious and credible about things I am doing. I am not a child anymore, I need to grow up and be responsible for my actions.

Personal development counselor/community counselor/trainer. Something around this track may do. I should take up this challenge this time and be persistent. (Sometimes I wonder why the things I love is so narrow, and not the mainstream of society)

She said that I have a cheerful personality that is good and can help people. But too stress-free sometimes that I gave her a feeling of playing around maybe. I guess I am not serious enough to do work that I don't like. I am still trying to do the things that please me but upset others. One word to conclude - childish.

So, no matter work or relationship, I decided that I should be more mature now. Mature in the sense of patience and rationality. Not to make prompt decisions from now on that is not suitable for myself.

Have the faith that suitable things will come in the end if you wait. If you want it badly and find hard. Both job and lover applies.

工作和愛情都需要等待。不要因為一直找不到自己想要的就著急，胡亂去找。相反，應該好好想想該朝著那一個方向跟目標去找，才會找到自己真正要的。這個道理，到今天我才明白。

Promise myself I need to live everyday like the last day of my life. I have to stop doing things that I will regret. I have to make myself and people around me as happy as they could be. God, please, please help me to be a better person and overcome my limits. If it cannot be overcame, accept it with grace.

Because I know I am already very lucky in all ways.

A Burden

2011-07-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

Am I really a burden to her? I cannot believe that is what she is thinking. Although I knew her and I should be able to understand her enough to expect this kind of thinking coming from her. But I cannot take it. So what is it now? Support? Or decline?

I am selfish I guess, but who isn't. When you have a chance to be selfishly chasing for your goal your happiness, will you chase after it?

I just want to be myself again and not to be stuck in a place that I don't like for the whole life. The true thing is I cannot support that myself and I need support from my family. But I never think that this support would be a burden for her.

And at this point (already), she is asking for something in return regarding her support. Rediculous is that firstly, I cannot and will not guarantee anything in return. My point of going for this psychology degree is not about money or career prospect (related to money) in any ways. So don't keep asking me about what I am going to do after my studies. Basically I just want a degree relating to my interest so that I can do something I like to do in the future if I choose to. A degree is a "chance presentation" or "a change", but it is not "a must" or "money".

I thought that the education she provided me is to make me a better person. A more flexible, adaptive, and thoughtful person. But all of a sudden, she throws to me the idea that "because she did this today, I need to do something in return in the future". How stupid to remind people of things like this. If I want to do it, I will do it. If you remind me to do it, then I won't be truly doing it from my heart.

Well, I guess I need to become 10 times a millionaire to satisfy all her needs and wants. So why bother satisfying her. Especially when what she is doing is actually pushing me away from satisfying her..isn't that the funniest dilemma

Something to look forward to...

2011-07-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

After Oneness Level 2, there is finally something to look forward to again. Well, the two days in Oneness is really like a short vacation for me, some private time for me to think about myself and about what I want, what I am doing, what I will do.

But life goes on as it is usually, after the two days. And things are hectic again. I can't write as much as when I was in USA apparently.

But anyways, the good side is I somehow have a glimpse about what I am going to do in the future, for my own good.

Tomorrow is BoAt TrIp Time!!

What am I? INFJ

2011-07-05T16:27:00.000-07:00

Characteristics of INFJs

Some practitioners have speculated that Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was an INFJ.[12] However, according to the guidelines for the ethical use of the MBTI, only those taking the assessment can identify their own best fit.[13]
INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.[14]
INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.[3]
INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits", rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.[15]
INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired.[16] Yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.[17]

Correlation with Enneatype
According to Baron and Wagele, the most common Enneatypes for the INFJ are The Individualist (Fours), The Reformer (Ones), and The Peacemaker (Nines).[18]

Oneness Newsletter

2011-06-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.onenessuniversity.org/html/newsletter/edition_005/english/images/newsletter.jpg

You Know What?

2011-06-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

I Love You! * 3 *

You did a great job listening to my bull shitting. Thanks!

Favorite Quotes To Share

2011-06-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

「硬是要在一些不屬於自己的場合﹐找自己的位置﹐倒不如自己一個。我這樣深深地認為著。」

"I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
-- "Notting Hill"

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."
-- movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" / poem "Eloisa to Abelard" by Alexander Pope

""I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, we’ll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time. And I’ll be thankful for that. And I hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too. I think that’s the best we can wish for"
-- "Strangers, again" (WongFu Productions)

「水這東西，還真是奇妙。
變成雨，變成蒸氣，變成冰，變成雪。
雖然有很多的形態，卻一直都是水。
而且，雖然我們的眼睛看不到，
它卻從不在這個世上消失。」
-- "Jin -仁-"

what type is she in?!

2011-06-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

What the heck is going on? I really want to know what type the woman is in! I know how stupid it is to be mad at her but I just can't help it..I wish I know what type she is..because I really want to study her!!

愛情是...

2011-06-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

愛情是住在心靈的深處，而不是雙唇之間。 Maybe this concludes what I feel about us. I feel like suffocated sometimes when you are treating me with extra care. I feel like you are really tense about this relationship somehow, but why not take it easier?

I want to feel connected and a soul mate rather than a person who will go my way no matter what or telling me how much love he has for me. I want inspiration from a teacher, a man, and not just short term happiness from a child.

I just want a more down to earth/practical feeling rather than passion/romance. Is what I want weird? I don't know...

Only change is perpetual in Life.

2011-06-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

Only change is perpetual in life.

Change, it sometimes feels like far away, yet sometimes so close. You feel it and see it sometimes, yet you are not not aware of it the other times, like a frog sitting in boiling water.

Change is sometimes fearful. At least for me, I don't prefer that much change in life, I just want things to settle down and go along with plans. But change is sometimes good. No matter good or bad, change is perpetual. An ultimate principle.

I saw his change yesterday night and I am glad to see this as a friend. He is more down to earth and realistic now. More willing to strive hard in his studies rather than totally depending on his IQ. He can get in to University of Pennsylvania without studying. An Ivy League. I bet he could go to Harvard if he worked harder.

As for his love life, he finally wish to settle down with a girl rather than playing around and go clubbing. I guess his heart is finally open to real love again after being heart by another girl. Glad that he thought this through.

I am glad that I saw something good in him, yet something depressing. I am glad that he saved himself from hell.

Wish him all the best here. And other lost lambs in the world too. Hope they will be awake soon...

I hope I can be awake soon too!

Specimen of teaching material

2011-06-02T15:34:00.001-07:00

Please send the specimen of teaching material either to me or our tutorial centre. Thanks.

An email I received yesterday night and I have to start writing for a specimen for creative writing class. I am really not a person who loves to work but I don't know why I have to volunteer for so many work...now I am overwhelmed.

Specimen for creative writing

3 areas -

1. Story Writing
2. Poetry Writing
3. Music Composition (Lyrics)

Aspects -
Science, Abstract, Concrete, Real, Unreal, Festival, School Life, Social, Geography, Religion, Literature

Topic 1: Color and Feelings - Abstract

Rationale: More vocabs on feeling and metaphors about color & feelings

Topic 2: If I were....(a dog/a shoe/a doctor) - Creative narrative

Rationale: Open ended topic for inspiring creativity.

Example: If I were a XXX - vocab

Topic 3: A Strange Dream or Adventure

Topic 4: If I live in Mars - Science

Topic 5: Blue Medicine - Science

Topic 6: Be your mother for 1 day - Narrative

Festivals: Summer - Summer Christmas..what will people do, Autumn Festival

Ok...thats about it...enough brain storming!

Thats why I love Psychology..

2011-05-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the wonderful night you gave me again. And thanks for the chance of peeking into your mind and heart more, I am happy that you can open up and tell me your feelings.

You know why I love psychology? Because it teaches me how to build a relationship with human being, and how to understand human being as a whole.

Psychology teaches me not to judge people with my own ruler/own eyes. Rather, to understand their background, which affect their thoughts, beliefs, and action.

So that you will no longer focus on what is right or wrong. Because there is no right or wrong, and there won't be a always good or always bad person. You will try to be in the person's shoes and think of reasons why they did such things. Not necessarily to agree with it, but at least you can accept it by understanding it.

I know you have strong beliefs about marriage and relationships, maybe because of your father. But you just have to let go sometimes. And understand that there is no right or wrong in relationships or love. Love is just too vague to be measured.

Love is not a calculation and it cannot be reasoned out. All you can do is try to accept what's coming to you and try to understand it. I am sure the girl is not happy too when she decided on leaving. Maybe selfishness, maybe loneliness, maybe youthfulness, all kinds of aspects leads to this result...

When you see that you are not the cause of this result (so she will end up leaving anyone in your place as well), you will be happier. It just happens that you and her has the fate to spend time together and understanding each other.

Life is relationships, without relationship with people, we are not alive :)

Living this moment...

2011-05-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

I continually remind myself not to think or worry too much about the future. Living this moment is enough for me as I am blessed and happy. But the human mind is structured this way...we all worry, and we all have greed. Once we have one thing, we want something more...

I don't know how our future would be. Its seems to have a lot of obstacles, difficulties originated from the reality. We are 2 people from 2 different worlds. We walked in 2 different paths since birth which don't overlap. However, all of a sudden, the 2 paths cross and we meet. But who knows? Who knows how long will these paths cross? Will there be a day that we need to go back to our own path and separate? Or will there be enough love to tolerate? To tolerate the different path, the different background, the different culture in a different world?

Worrying kills, and I stop it here. Stop thinking about it maybe a good idea. I want to enjoy what I have now..

A great picture of a great person...

2011-05-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks for what you've given me, things that people cannot understand. You have given me a lot, really...

My Work: A Report

2011-05-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

Haven't been writing fr quite a long time. I guess a full time job will just take away your life gradually without you knowing it. Working in Mannings, I sometimes came home at around 8 or 9 pm, and yes I still sort of have to sleep at 10:30 pm sharp (living with a family without much flexibility..). So, it seems like I don't have much private time to think or dream anymore, don't have time to read and to be inspired.

Sometimes I feel like a robot. Going to work early in the morning, working every minute in office, routine routine work...like entering invoice, balancing budget, checking POP wordings, creating flyers, creating talkers, talking to Agency, talking to printer...you know, when you pick up the routine, you can even finish these work without using your brain. Such a dangerous thing that I don't want it to happen...I guess I just have to keep remind myself that I should care more about the big picture and not just to follow rules blindly. Because thats the difference between a leader and a follower, a leader will create a better structure (rules and procedures), and a follower blindly follows.

Work life balance is not easy to achieve..I wish I can do it. I am still young and in the stage of life exploring..I don't want it to stop because of a PAID job. I want to explore life more...do things that I enjoy to do..

But is that a childish thought? Is everyone just accepting reality and working hard for money without blaming. Because afterall, we truly need money when faced reality. We need a home, we need to dress up, we need to eat...all you can tell.

Sometimes I really admire the persistence and determination of the X generation. They succeed in earning money (I don't know whether they are happy or not). They have their own family and own home, which I don't have the confidence that I can get...

All I want is a home and money for my children. But it seems so hard.

I will be going to working holiday in March 2012 I hope. To explore. And I hope that after the trip, I can gain more insight about what I should do in my future to make me happy. What to study. What to work for. What to marry. Ohh. You cannot marry a thing right?...I mean who...

Thank you for giving me an angel...

2011-05-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't been that happy for quite a long time...thank you for bringing him to my life...that now I can laugh for no reason, just because I think of him...

I am really grateful for that..he makes my life more meaningful...

鄭秀文唯獨你是不可取替(feal:許志安)

2011-05-01T13:10:00.001-07:00

Medley徹夜纏綿.心血.男人最痛.灰飛煙滅-許志安

2011-05-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

Target. Goal. Unrealistic dream.

2011-04-09T16:32:00.000-07:00

Someone said to me that a short term goal is a target, a mid term goal is..well, a goal, and a long term goal is just an unrealistic dream. And he is right, we are all just dreaming. The person I want to talk about is actually myself. In retrospect, I often stopped on the step of setting a long term goal. But what happens to the part of practicing the goal? Am I too scared? Too lazy? Too busy? ...A lot of excuses and reasons, but the result is I am still in the middle of nowhere to my dream today.

Hence, I promise myself here, to really find a dream meaningful to me, and act on it 1% a day. A life which we could improve 1 % a day will absolutely be a successful life.

Another thing on my mind is should I go to study more about Oneness in India. Interesting but Controversial studies. What can I do with Oneness in terms of money, since money is so important to anything in the world.

HK is really not my place sometimes, but it has it loveliness and it is home...somehow...

Hope I will have a positive change sooner or later with the persistence of giving myself and the needed a deeksha blessing. And in fact, I already changed a lot after I came back from USA I would say, and this makes me happy and thankful.

The Wedding Song ~ Kenny G

2011-02-18T18:13:00.000-08:00

choosing a wedding song..not for my wedding~~

"Two Words" will be one song

房祖名薛凱琪 - 不知不覺

2011-02-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

咪修。。。

2011-02-02T00:44:00.000-08:00

Read through some of the letters you gave me today...and I miss you...I miss how we used to talk to each other and how you make me smile...I just miss the simple happiness we have....are we still friends?

The Virtual Reality

2011-01-30T06:59:00.001-08:00

It's true that blog is a virtual reality, where you can tell things in your mind carefree, knowing that people won't be able to judge you, even some people would never know who you are...So that's why now I choose to write again. Because I have a lot to tell, which I couldn't in reality.

It is too late now to say who's right or wrong, even useless. Either I am a spoiled rat and disrespectful person, or they are control freaks that are not understanding. If it makes them feel better, let's say that they are "great"...but again, what's "great".

Buying me stuff, helping me get As, telling me what is "right" to do, and "caring" for me. Um..all GREAT. I guess I am too young to judge because I don't have the experience.

What is funny to me, well actually disappointing, is that they don't have faith in me. They don't believe in me. They will think that I do this and that on purpose, and that I opened a fXXking door, which I have no interest to. Why would there be some people on the world who actually do not respect people but require me to respect them? Well, I HAVE to, thats the answer. So respect they will get, and thats it...

So hard to get used to people intruding your life when you are used to living on your own...So hard to be a child when they wanted and be an adult again when they wanted. Seems that everything they said is right and is the true reason why everything is the way it is now.

Am I emotional? Am I crazy? Am I spoiled? Am I rude? Am I (whatever it is)? Maybe and I don't know, but just let them think it is. Because debating waste time and I don't think it works anymore. So now I understand why everyone would like to leave home someday...because when it is unbearable and it is happier to be alone, and the gap is way too far to solve, you will leave. And everything turns normal again. When you are not living together.

All you have to do is remember to give them a call when it is cold or when there is special occasions. Even better give them some money to buy whatever they like, pretending you can repay them but instead you just wanted to fulfill some kind of responsibility that makes yourself and themselves feel better.

And hopefully by that time either of us won't be intruding each others life and we can just live peacefully and happily, separately.

屬蛇的人..

2010-11-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

屬蛇的人性格很奇怪,有時候超愛說話,有時候可以一天不說話;
高興的時候,會拼命的說話, 不高興的時候,一句話也不說。

屬蛇的人不愛記仇,但誰對他好誰對他不好,他還是記得很清楚的。
屬蛇的把真實的自己藏於半夜的寂靜和午夜明朗的笑聲中。
屬蛇的最注重的就是安全感.希望被保護,卻常常是一個人。
屬蛇的不容易愛上一個人，但一旦愛上便很難自拔;一旦受傷，總是被傷的很深。

屬蛇的是個很愛撒嬌的孩子、總是很依賴別人。
屬蛇的喜歡海。
喜歡顧影自憐.喜歡自己舔傷口。
屬蛇的性格很古怪而又孤僻,他們會突然在大笑中沉默,感覺悲傷。
屬蛇的心裡想什麼從來不說.別人也猜不到。
屬蛇的嘴上說不在乎、心裡卻早已悲涼,心裡的那把火早已熄滅。

屬蛇的選擇了沉默、不再像以前那樣摯熱的去追求某樣東西。
屬蛇的總是很愛回憶,回憶以前的點點滴滴,以前的大小事,只是默默的想著。
屬蛇的人天生敏銳，與生具備的第六感。對人的內心有超乎尋常的洞察力，會把這些東西放在心裡，可以把你的眼神、內心看得很清楚，但卻不會告訴你，他用旁觀的態度判定虛偽。
屬蛇的人不懂甜言蜜語，不屑拍馬屁。
屬蛇的人本能的排斥虛偽和做作的人。

屬蛇的人不會真的發火，就算生氣，也很快忘記！
屬蛇的人只對真正懂他的人，展示他的創造性，他的情緒。
他變得冷淡就證明他開始對你重新審視，當他越是沉默，就代表他越是生氣。
屬蛇的人可能看起來很凶，其實內心是最柔軟的。
屬蛇的人看起來很冷淡，但那只是保護自己的方法。
屬蛇的人很重視友情，但被傷害後絕對不再友善。

屬蛇的人很容易被感動，但感動中又保有理智。
屬蛇的人可能看起來很堅強，其實是最脆弱的。
屬蛇的人可能很愛哭，但他的哭並不代表認輸。
屬蛇的人可能看起來很笨，其實大智若愚。

屬蛇的人可能做事很毛躁，但內心很細心。
屬蛇的人天生敏感和細膩，卻會用心鑒定。

屬蛇的懦弱，受了傷之後，只知道躲在無人的地方獨自哭泣。

屬蛇的虛偽，明明已經心痛到無法呼吸，還要在最愛的他面前假裝堅強；不輕易讓任何人走進他自己獨自的世界

屬蛇的笑容，無論開心或者悲傷，都是一臉笑容。笑容，是他們偽裝自己最好的武器。

屬蛇的眼淚，從不輕易讓人看見，他的淚，從來只有他知道。只是，誰又知道，在笑臉背後，埋藏的是深深的悲傷，笑的越開心，傷的越深。

屬蛇的退縮，屬蛇的，永遠不會輕易說愛或者喜歡。除非真的喜歡到了極點，否則，要表白幾乎不可能，但是，一旦表白，就是不遺餘力的付出，即使知道這樣做換來的結果可能是深深的傷害…

屬蛇的，永遠只可能做同一件事兩次，表白也一樣，同一個人，只可能聽到最深的表白兩次，兩次之後，就是絕對的安靜了…即使仍然深愛著，也沒有勇氣再說第三遍我愛你…不能重複一件事第三次。

屬蛇的愚蠢，不懂的怎麼挽回深愛的人的心，只能自己心中默默的祝福和祈禱。

受了傷的屬蛇的，只會在角落獨自忍受錐心的痛。

屬蛇的：體貼第一名，愛吃第一名，愛家第一名，孝順第一名，多愁善感第一名。

如果你愛上屬蛇…請你疼愛生肖蛇。。。哈哈。。。

適合走下去的人

2010-11-15T06:42:00.000-08:00

心理學家認為..判斷男女兩個人是否適合牽手..應考慮以下10個因素..

第一..彼此都是對方的好朋友..不帶任何條件..喜歡與對方在一起..

第二..彼此很容易溝通..互相可以很敞開地坦白任何事情..而不必擔心被對方懷疑或輕視..

第三..兩人在心靈上有共同的理念和價值觀..並且對這些觀念有清楚的認識與追求..

第四..雙方都認為婚姻是一輩子的事..而且雙方都堅定地願意委身在這個長期的婚姻關係中..

第五..當發生衝突或爭執的時候可以一起來解決..而不是等以後來發作..

第六..相處可以彼此逗趣..常有歡笑..在生活中許多方面都會以幽默相待..

第七..彼此非常瞭解..並且接納對方..

當知道對方瞭解了自己的優點和缺點後..仍然確信被他所接納..

第八..從最瞭解你..也是你最信任的對方處得到支持的肯定..

第九..有時會有浪漫的感情..但絕大多數的時候..你們的相處是非常滿足而且是自由自在的..

第十..有一個非常理性和成熟的交往..並且雙方都能感受到..

在許多不同的層面上你們是很相配的..

愛情是追到手的嗎？

不是..真正的感情根本不需要追的..

兩個人的默契..在慢慢將兩顆心的距離縮短..在無意識中漸漸靠近彼此..

從好朋友到情人..真正的感情是用不了多久的..

從妳喜歡上他的那一刻起..也許他也在那一刻喜歡上了妳..

同節奏的愛情往往能奏出最和諧最動聽的樂章..

真正的愛情需要什麼？需要兩個人在一起是輕鬆快樂的..沒有壓力..

愛一個人就是毫無保留地付出嗎？

不是..每一個人都是一個獨立的人..

我們首先是屬於自己的..我們有思想..我們有個性..而不是把我們的全部都給對方..

我們可以有保留..比如妳不願意說的隱私..有秘密的人才是成熟的..不是嗎？

有時候不說出來反而更好..

外貌和個性哪個更重要？

男人年輕的時候往往喜歡漂亮的女子..

30歲以後..會選擇和自己性格合適的女子..能和自己一起過日子的人..

現實和浪漫哪個更重要？

現實..沒有現實為基礎..浪漫就是空中樓閣..

大學校園的愛情往往隨著畢業而告終..大多是因為不現實..

不在一個城市..只有相互欣賞相互佩服各有所長的人..才會碰撞出最美麗的火花..

也才會結出最甜美的愛情果實..

分手後我們還可以做朋友嗎？

最好不要..剪不斷..理還亂..過去了就過去了..

我們不是生活在過去..而是現在..愛情不等於生活..只是生活的一部分..

浪漫是什麼？

是送花？雨中漫步？樓前佇立不去？如果兩人彼此傾心相愛..什麼事都不做..靜靜相對都會感覺是浪漫的..否則..即使兩人坐到月亮上拍拖..也是感覺不到浪漫的..
所以請記住..
喝酒不要超過六分醉..
吃飯不要超過七分飽..
愛一個人不要超過八分

你遇見了誰? 誰又遇見了你? :)

2010-10-26T18:03:00.001-07:00

每個人的人生都要找到四個人
人生就是為了找尋愛的過程, 每個人的人生都要找到四個人

第一個是自己
第二個是你最愛的人
第三個是最愛你的人
第四個是共度一生的人

首先會遇到你最愛的人, 然後體會到愛的感覺
因為了解被愛的感覺, 所以才能發現最愛你的人
當你經歷過愛人與被愛, 學會了愛, 才會知道什麼是你需要的, 也才會找到最適合
你, 能夠相處一輩子的人

但很悲哀的, 在現實生活中, 這三個人通常不是同一個人
你最愛的, 往往沒有選擇你, 最愛你的, 往往不是你最愛的

而最長久的, 偏偏不是你最愛也不是最愛你的,
只是在最適合的時間出現的那個人,
你, 會是別人生命中的第幾個人呢?

沒有人是故意要變心的, 他愛你的時候是真的愛你,
可是他不愛你的時候也是真的不愛你了,
他愛你的時候沒有辦法假裝不愛你,
同樣的，他不愛你的時候也沒有辦法假裝愛你
當一個人不愛你要離開你,
你要問自己還愛不愛他,
如果你也不愛他了, 千萬別為了可憐的自尊而不肯離開,
如果你還愛他, 你應該會希望他過得幸福快樂
希望他跟真正愛的人在一起, 絕不會阻止,
你要是阻止他得到真正的幸福, 就表示你已經不愛他了
而如果你不愛他, 你又有什麼資格指責他變心呢？

愛不是佔有, 你喜歡月亮,不可能把月亮拿下來放在臉盆裡...
但月亮的光芒仍可照進你的房間.

換句話說, 你愛一個人, 也可以用另一種方式擁有,
讓愛人成為生命裡的永恆回憶,
如果你真愛一個人, 就要愛他原來的樣子
愛他的好, 也愛他的壞,

愛他的優點, 也愛他的缺點,
絕不能因為愛他, 就希望他變成自己所希望的樣子,
萬一變不成就不愛他了
真正愛一個人是無法說出原因的,
你只知道無論何時何地, 心情好壞, 你都希望這個人陪著你

真正的感情是兩人能在最艱苦中相守, 也就是沒有絲毫要求

畢竟, 感情必須付出, 而不是只想獲得
分開是一種必然的考驗,
如果你們感情不夠穩固, 只好認輸,
真愛是不會變成怨恨的

兩人在談情說愛的時候,
最喜歡叫對方發誓, 許下承諾我們為什麼要對方發誓,
就是因為我們不相信對方, 我們根本不相信情人,
而這些山盟海誓又很不切實際

海枯石爛, 地老天荒, 都不能改變我對你的愛!
明知道海不會枯, 石不會爛, 地不會老, 天不會荒,
就算會, 也活不到那時候.

許下諾言的時候千萬注意, 不要許下可以實現的諾言,
最好是承諾做不到的事,
反正做不到的, 隨便說說也不要緊,
請記住, 不可能實現的諾言最動人
在愛情裡, 說的是一套, 做的是另一套

講的人不相信, 聽的人也不相信
你呢? 找到了第幾個?
茫茫人海中, 你遇見了誰? 誰又遇見了你?

美麗的愛情哲學

2010-10-17T06:46:00.001-07:00

柏拉圖有一天問老師蘇格拉底什麼是愛情？

蘇格拉底叫他到麥田走一次，要不回頭地走，
在途中要摘一棵最大最好的麥穗，但只可以摘一次。
柏拉圖覺得很容易，充滿信心地出去，

誰知過了半天他仍沒有回去。
最後，他垂頭喪氣出現在老師面前訴說空手而回的原因：

" 很難得看見一株看似不錯的，卻不知是不是最好，
不得已，因為只可以摘一次，只好放棄，再看看有沒有更好的，
到發現已經走到盡頭時，才發覺手上一棵麥穗也沒有。 "

這時，蘇格拉底告訴他： "那就是愛情"
柏拉圖有一天又問老師蘇格拉底什麼是婚姻？

蘇格拉底叫他到彬樹林走一次，要不回頭地走，
在途中要取一棵最好、最適合用來當聖誕樹用的樹材，
但只可以取一次。

柏拉圖有了上回的教訓，充滿信心地出去，半天之後，
他一身疲憊地拖了一棵看起來直挺、翠綠，卻有點稀疏的杉樹。

蘇格拉底問他： " 這就是最好的樹材嗎？"

柏拉圖回答老師：
" 因為只可以取一棵，好不容易看見一棵看似不錯的，
又發現時間、體力已經快不夠用了，
也不管是不是最好的，所以就拿回來了。 "

這時，蘇格拉底告訴他： " 那就是婚姻"

柏拉圖又有一天又問老師蘇格拉底什麼是外遇？

蘇格拉底還是叫他到樹林走一次，可以來回走，
在途中要取一支最好看的花。

柏拉圖又充滿信心地出去，兩個小時之後，
他精神抖擻地帶回了一支顏色豔麗但稍稍焉掉的花。

蘇格拉底問他： "這就是最好的花嗎？ "

柏拉圖回答老師：
" 我找了兩小時，發覺這是最盛開最美麗的花，
但我採下帶回來的路上，它就逐漸枯萎下來 "

這時，蘇格拉底告訴他： "那就是外遇 "

又有一天又問老師蘇格拉底什麼是生活？

蘇格拉底還是叫他到樹林走一次，可以來回走，
在途中要取一支最好看的花。
柏拉圖有了以前的教訓，又充滿信心地出去，

過了三天三夜，他也沒有回來。

蘇格拉底只好走進樹林裡去找他，
最後發現柏拉圖已在樹林裡露營紮寨。

蘇格拉底問他： "你找著最好看的花麼？ "
柏拉圖指著邊上的一朵花說： " 這就是最好看的花嗎。"

蘇格拉底問： "為什麼不把它帶出去呢？ "

柏拉圖回答老師：
" 我如果把它摘下來，它馬上就枯萎。
即使我不摘它，它也遲早會枯。
所以我趁它還盛開的時候，住在它邊上。
等它凋謝的時候，再找下一朵。
這已經是我找著的第二朵最好看的花。 "

這時，蘇格拉底告訴他： " 你已經懂得生活的真諦了

Ladder of Success

2010-10-12T02:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I ask myself, what is success? What is success to me and my family, to my teachers and friends, to people in general. To an infant, success is just survival I guess. Successfully getting attention when he is tired or hungry, successfully learning his language by making funny noises. And people's expectation to him is just that. TO SURVIVE.

To a child, success is to learn social rules and stereotypes. Learn to be a girl or a boy. Learn to be good or bad. Learn to be smart or stupid. And of course learn to get high grades.

An adult? Depends on what you choice of success is. Happiness. Family. Money. Work. Health. Love. Or all of the above.

If you happens to work in HK, and you treat work/money as your measurement of success. You have to learn..how to lie, and how to die..

Marketing Magazine

2010-09-28T02:02:00.000-07:00

*Marketing Magazine's Agency of the Year Awards 2010*

*Click Here*

Facebaker

2010-09-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebakers.com

Number of users on Facebook in Hong Kong: 3 383 440

Number of male users on Facebook in Hong Kong: 1 541 060

Number of female users on Facebook in Hong Kong: 1 680 180

Penetration of Facebook in Hong Kong to population: 47.72 %

Penetration of Facebook in Hong Kong to online population: 69.35 %

Avarage CPC in Hong Kong: $ 0.24

Avarage CPM in Hong Kong: $ 0.1

More Statistics

我愛他

2010-09-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

王力宏 & 张靓颖另一个天堂

2010-09-24T08:20:00.001-07:00

張靚穎《如果這就是愛情》

2010-09-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

蕭敬騰如果沒有你

2010-09-24T08:17:00.001-07:00

Living to Love You

2010-09-24T08:14:00.001-07:00

All we had was just one summer
two lovers stroling in the park
But like they say the world keeps turning
as the leaves were falling we should fall apart

Now I'm waiting for the winter, na na na
To build my castle out of ice
And deep inside this massive building
There's a crystal lake of all the tears I cried

Baby for all my life
don't you know that it's true
I'm living to love you
So baby don't think twice
If you feel what I feel
Trust your heart and do what I do,
'cause I'm living to love you
hmmmm I'm living to love you

When you're gone it's not forever
'cause you`re remaining in my heart
So tell me why I feel this aching
Every time I think of you when we're apart

Baby for all my life
don't you know that it's true
I'm living to love you
So baby don't think twice
If you feel what I feel
Trust your heart do what I do,
I'm living to love you ohhh yes

I admit that from time to time
I'm feeling insecure and think I'm gonna lose my mind
Don't let it show, no
oh no, no, no, no, no hmm
I don't think I'll ever understand
That our loving should never have a happy end
So I'm really gonna try my best to let you know
To let you know

Baby for all my life
don't you know that it's true
I'm living to love you
So baby don't think twice
If you feel what I feel
Trust your heart and do what I do

When the final day comes
I know the angels,
they will see my smile
And if they wanna know the reason
I will tell them why

Baby for all my life
hoooo yes I'm living to love you

BUSY BEE U __ U

2010-09-23T03:11:00.000-07:00

Hey Diary, I miss you...I know, I haven't been writing for a while. My mum reminds me of that actually, and so I decided to do a little update today as today is the MID AUTUMN FESTIVAL, and I have a day off from work.

So, after 2 weeks of work in Singapore International School as a CA, I moved to another small marketing firm in Kowloon Bay, working as a Business Development Officer. The title is BDO, sounds fabulous right? But in reality, it means trainee. However, I enjoyed working there, and I really believe I can learn a lot although some of my friends challenged my belief. On the other hand, some of my friends supported me. In the end however, I still believe that working in this marketing firm (China Act) is a pretty good journey for me. I mean I am quite happy and excited about what I am doing most of the time. So I decided not to listen to others advices anymore and just follow my heart - do what I wanted to do and explore my life.

No matter what will happen in the future, this will still be a good memory. And jut for a short period of time (about a month), I already have the chance to present my proposals in front of clients, pitch a project and also think of creative with production, meet with 4As/Agencies...and of course media sales and cold calling.

I wonder how I will develop, I wonder why I still feel something is missing, I wonder where I will go in the future (my directions)..and then I stopped wondering, because living this moment is more important, and this moment is not too bad...

So, who cares about the future, at least for the time being? Work Harder, Girl!

A.I.N.Y.

2010-09-23T03:02:00.000-07:00

Thank you...

2010-08-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the memories that you've given me. That's all I could say after all this mess for these few months. I have been mesmerizing myself all these time, letting myself to believe that there will still be a slightest chance between us. But everything was a mistake, and now its the end of everything, end of my unrealistic dream. On the other hand though, I see it as the beginning of everything. Because he made me understand that the world doesn't work the way you wanted it to. And there is a lot in life apart from dreaming about impractical stuff. There is a lot to do, to work on..I can work harder at my job, sing harder, read more, care for the news more, volunteer, find stuff that I really have interest to learn. When I talked to him, I notice that 4 years could really make a difference. And after all I am just not mature enough. Heartbroken....but could be a great learning experience. A lesson about how much effort one need to put on unconditional love. I am happy that I know him, and I did not regret anything. At least I learned that I could love someone, without him loving me first. And I thank him for the positive change he brought to me. He is still a gentleman...but thats exactly the reason why I am so tired of being friends with him. Because I cannot be angry at him or hate him or anything even how harsh all this is for me. I could just love him, no matter as a friend or more....I am just too into him that it is hard for me to be his friend. So that is it, and it's the end of us..for the time being. I still have hopes and aspirations. And I still have not totally given up on us....but let it be. Starting to work soon, that would be great for trying to forget a person I assume. I don't know how I could accept the truth that we can just be friends. But I hope I don't need to accept it one day.

Getting all skin allergic after coming back from Singapore, because of all the spicy food..Singapore not that suitable for me after all? Hum....

EEG Singing Contest 2010 :)

2010-07-17T06:01:00.000-07:00

女人的友誼

2010-06-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

女人的友誼，親密得來卻又很脆弱。

這樣故事實在由細聽到大：一對女孩子志趣相投感情好到不得了，不單止行街吃飯，連上廁所也不能沒了對方，還會開玩笑說：「我們這麼相像，將來會不會愛上同一個男人？」，「如果會，我一定會讓他給你。」

這種好朋友，是「孖公仔」也形容不了、該說她們是連體嬰才對。而這種連體女嬰，在大中小學以至大中小企業，都屢見不鮮。

然後有天，你發現A竟然在沒有B的情況下「單身」出席聚會，你很自然地問A：「B在哪？」A會這樣回答：「她最近很忙吧！/她家裡有事呢！/她今天病倒了！」

你不以為意，幾個月之後別人就告訴你：「你不知道麼？她們絕交了。」

連體嬰分體，你很感驚訝，心裡當然會測度原因──而你第一個猜測的，一定是「為了男人」。

男人絕交，不是為錢就是為女人；女人嗎？大概只有「男人」這位醫生，才能這麼輕易地為她們完成「分體手術」。

女人絕交十之八九是為了男人，卻未必都是因為「爭仔」；很多時候，只是因為其中一方開始拍拖。

例如我的一對舊同事E和P，她們連體度很高，在weekdays已經日日在公司見面啦！還幾乎每個weekend都相約去街、去做各種活動。之後，P的一位男性朋友把E追到手，自自然然的，E開始自個的拍拖生活，weekend漸漸都沒分配給P。

P不知道是不習慣突然變多的空閒時間，還是心裡一直覺得自己條件比E高、現在卻被好姊妹爬頭了（抑或P本來就一直暗戀著那男的？），她常常打給E述說那個男人的「往績」，說他其實不是好人，跟他一起沒有幸福可言云云。E甚至從P的口中聽說過，那男的曾經借醉意圖侵犯P。

這是她們從此割蓆的導火線。

要中傷別人並不困難，但如果人家朝久相對，人家也是有眼睇的，你的「中傷點」過於天馬行空的話，將來別人也可以周圍說你是大話精或妄想狂。

愛情不是全完佔有，友情當然也是一樣。即使好朋友因為拍拖而少了時間陪你（簡稱重色輕友），我們應該替她高興，因為她不是夜夜找你哭訴呢。

我相信，君子可以和而不同，淑女也是可以的。對朋友多一點寬容多一點祝福，才有望keep到一世。

哈.

愛的基本功

2010-06-08T17:15:00.001-07:00

愛的基本功　林存湄

在網絡看到十句有意思的句子。

第一句：如果我們之間有1,000步的距離，你只要跨出第1步，我就會朝你的方向走其餘的999步。
第二句：通常願意留下來跟你吵的人，才是真正愛你的人。
第三句：付出真心才會得到真心，也可能傷得徹底。保持距離就能保護自己，也注定永遠寂寞。
第四句：有時候，不是對方不在乎你，而是你把對方看得太重。
第五句：朋友就是把你看透了，還能喜歡你的人。
第六句：就算是Believe，中間也藏了一個lie。
第七句：真正的好友，並不是在一起就有聊不完的話。而是在一起，就算不說話，也不會感到尷尬。
第八句：沒有一百分的另一半，只有五十分的兩個人。
第九句：為你的難過而快樂是敵人，為你的快樂而快樂的是朋友，為你的難過而難過是該放進心裏的人。
第十句：冷漠，有時候並不是無情，只是一種避免被傷害的工具。

在討論區看到不同人的回應，彷彿每一句都有打動人心的能力，只要你對號入座，射中的機會是頗高的。本人最喜歡第八句，其實大家都不完美，五十步笑一百步，與其互相尋找對方的弱點，攻擊彼此的缺陷，非要放大漏洞不可，不如找出對方擁有的長處，互補不足，共同進步，總比各自固執自己的所謂優點更好。嘗試諒解對方的不足，正是愛的基本功。

=======================
看到第七句笑了
你們都能把R看通透
舍下心房
說說內心的話

突然想起了
Grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console
to be understood as to understand
to be loved as to love with all my soul
旋律還在腦海
悠悠
靜靜的

體罰 ● 暴力 ● 小惡魔

2010-05-18T15:20:00.001-07:00

現在香港的教育制度之下 , 每逢小朋友們做錯了 , 我們不能打 , 連訶責也不可以 , 只能「鼓勵」和「讚賞」...

所以這些小朋友做錯事之時往往缺乏當頭棒喝 ... 沒有任何即時的訊息去告訴他們做錯了 , 繼而一錯再錯 , 黑白不分 , 眼中只有功利 ( 因為只能用物質或讚賞去賄賂他們 )。

搞 ( 垮 ) 教育的庸官們及所謂的「專家」會說 : 「體罰會使他們用暴力解決問題....」

這是多麼沒智慧的論調 !

試想想 : 有什麼比「每當父母責打子女 , 子女便可以動不動便用『虐兒』的罪名告發親生父母 , 並召喚荷槍實彈的警察拘捕父母」更加的暴力呢 ?

所以我支持制度化及公正 , 安全的體罰... 正是因為我們失去了這個必要的制衡 , 才有像鄧倩盈 ( 將小狗虐殺並上載網上炫耀的一位中學生 ) 般的小惡魔出現。

當然 , 這也要歸咎於缺乏家教... 因為父母太忙了.... 而父母太忙是因為要終生為地產商及大財團賣命....

一位校長寫給大學生的一封信

2010-04-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

How many teachers would one encounter in one's life? Yet how many of those inspired your mind? I wish I could receive a letter like this at any point of my life, a teacher that criticized me with truthful comments, a teacher that tell me what he thinks. I used to believe there is something fundamental in a good teacher - his views. But in this complicated world, what does a view actually means? Today you think this view is right and the other day you totally abandoned. Not that you have changed your preference or personality, just that you have learned more and acquire other views. When you still continue to live, you will change view back and forth.

I used to be really serious about views. I told people about my theories of life and my view about things. I wanted to know what other people's views are. I wanted to know which view is the best, or at least best suit my so called personality. But is there really?

Maybe your heart is more important, you current state of mind and situation will determine what view hits you. That's what I have discovered. A very important way of living - don't follow any views in order to live (don't attempt too hard to find out what view suits your personality), just strive to find out what attitude would make you happy.

When we read something, we think we connected to it because it's view is a great view that is accepted by the main stream culture. But I think if we live by chasing after cultural views and values, we will get lost and depressed. Instead focus on attitudes, even when you ruminate about your past behaviors, you won't be as sad that you have taken the wrong view that you believed right. As when you are following your attitude to live, you can only blame you have a distorted attitude (which is the center of problems) when you chooses the wrong view.

When you realized this, you can save time in looking for the so called right view. Because there is nothing called the ultimate right view. All there is, is a view that suits your attitude now most...that makes you comfortable following it.

And when you realize all this, you are comfortable with switching views at any point in your life when you know that your attitude changes for better...(well, somebody's attitude changes for worst as well...but I haven't discovered yet about what makes this different - better or worse....temptation? situation? education? will power? friends? I bet there are many factors, but good luck and stay clear...I guess thats the best you can do...)

「不要說上課聽不懂，不要說教師不關心，不要說專業不感興趣，不要說學校太爛；墮落不需要理由，只需要藉口。」
你們經歷了高中，但是它對於你們來說並不是黑色的，只是一種比平時緊張的感覺而已，在內心深處你們還沒有真正意義上體會到了為了自己的目標拼命的含義，在這一次比較蒼白的過程中，你們已經喪失了一次鑄煉自己的機會。
一個人失去一次機會並不算什麼，可是就是在這一次一次的失去中，有許多人就失去了成功的人生。
那麼，我的同學們，你們失去了什麼？
黑色是壓抑和沉悶的，但是在它的背後，卻代表成熟與大氣。
在你經歷的大學生活中，你是不是有許多時間都不知所措，有許多時間都在宿舍裏牀上度過，有許多時間都用在MSN上的閒聊，有許多時間都在網路遊戲裡廝殺。
一學期、一年、兩年過去了……突然發現自己沒有認真聽過幾節課，雖然給你們上課都是講師以上級別的；突然發現自己沒有認真讀過幾本書，雖然你們大學裏的圖書館有很多的藏書；突然發現自己沒有學到東西，雖然大學裡有很多的可以學習東西。
你現在是不是正在為期末考試過關，而不是達到優秀而發愁，正在盤算不會被亮紅點的各種方法：突擊學習，考試作弊，請酒送禮，獨自禱告……

一、讀大學是享受生活還是塑造自我？
在你們經歷的大學生活中，有許多同學都反映到了這樣一個問題：不知道自己一天到底要做什麼，或是做什麼都不起勁。
這在剛進入大學的學生當中是一個非常普遍的現像，因為你們喪失了目標。
對於許多同學而言，大學是你們最後的求學階段。讀完大學就要找工作，可是這對於已經做了十二年學生你們而言仍然顯得那麼的遙不可及。
在大學裡面沒有任何一個教師會圍繞你們轉，學不學完全是自己的事。沒有了以前做不完的作業你們覺得上課對自己空蕩蕩的，學了又怎麼樣，不學又怎麼樣？與其讓自己學得這樣辛苦，還不如讓自己過得灑脫一點。
沒有任何人給你講你應該去做什麼，讓你們覺得茫然不知所措。你們大多數人卻缺乏精神的獨立與良好的自控，你們根本無法去把握這些顯得過多的自由。
到底要做怎樣的人，到底要幹什麼樣的事業，這些對於你們而言是毫無概念。
從小學時代我的理想，到初中時代我的將來，到高中時代我的大學，到大學時代我的迷茫，你們在這一過程中完成了人生目標的蛻變，最後剩下的是死掉的蟲皮。
正是因為你們喪失了目標，沒有方向的船，什麼風都不是順風。
我相信，如果每一個同學都有一個目標，你們會過得很充實，會過得很忙碌，並且會得到很多。
所以，請每一個同學都給自己定下一個目標吧。
生活就像巧克力盒，你永遠都不知道下一顆會是什麼樣的滋味！
也許有的人會這樣問：為什麼別人可以瀟灑地生活，而我卻要痛苦的拼搏。我把它換成另外一個問題：讀大學到底是享受生活還是塑造自我。
有許多同學在剛進大學的時候都去嘗試過競選學生會、各種社團的幹事與幹部。事後，有許多同學都發出了這樣的歎：不公平，做什麼都要憑關係。我到想請問，學校尚且如此，社會又怎樣呢？社會上對權術、關係、金錢不是玩得更徹底嗎？以後你到底憑什麼在社會上立足？要權力沒權力，要關係沒關係，要鈔票沒鈔票，那到底還有什麼呢？
當你們大學畢業以後，卻突然發現自己除了拿到了一紙大學畢業證之外，除了能說一點好像很深奧的話題之外，並沒有學到真正過硬的本事時，你們做的工作也許只是名稱好聽點而已，也許是任何人都可以做的而已。
到那時你們是不是還要怨天尤人？
我們每一個人都想過上高品質的生活，都想讓自己的至親過上無憂的生活，都想在世上留下自己價值的痕跡，但這些不是在享受中就可以實現的。
上天給了我們每個人一雙手和一個大腦，就是要讓我們去創造與思考。
大學這段時間是你們最佳的學習時間，所以請你們放棄享受，努力地重塑自我，為以後的騰飛積聚力量。

二、感情氾濫得只是被當成了一種需要！
既然是談大學生活，那麼愛情是一定要談的。大學裏面的正是青春期的少男與少女，愛情在這裡不可避免地發生了。但不知何時起，這正常的不能再正常的事情卻遭遇從來沒有過的質疑：現在的大學生感情氾濫。
現在大學生的情感裏面夾雜了大多的功利、欲望、放縱。
每年畢業時，情侶們最後一頓飯，最後一次擁抱，最後一次親吻，然後轉身離開，踏上各自的旅途，從此把這段感情遺忘，就像從來沒有發生一樣。愛情只是被當成了一種需要。
有許多人要抓住愛情或是被愛情抓住。
但是我希望你們的愛情是真誠的，是認真的，是純潔的，是本色的。
如果你覺得他很帥，想去和他談戀愛，請三思；
如果你覺得她很美，想去和她談戀愛，請三思；
如果你覺得很孤單，想去找一個人談戀愛，請三思；
如果你只是因為聽了朋友的幾句言語，就去和某個人談戀愛，請放棄。
「爱」字實際上已經清楚的表明它的物件：
下面的「友」字說明你應該很瞭解他（她），他（她）應該是你的朋友；
「ㄇ」說明你要在這些朋友之間認真選擇；
「ノ」說明你只能在精挑細選中選出一個作為你的愛人，其它的只能作為你的朋友。
請珍惜自己的情感，否則它會變得很廉價。
愛情是什麼？
這個你們心裡面應該清楚。我覺得：因為優秀而被吸引，因為吸引而被愛，因為被愛而學會愛，這才是愛的過程。

三、責任，是成熟的思想內定的！
你們現在是在大學裡求學，是在接受一種高額費用的教育，可是你們的父母高額的投入，在你們的身上得到了多少出？
你們沒有多少人家裡有萬貫家財，你們現在用的每一分錢都是父母掙來的血汗錢，甚至是到處借來的錢，其間蘊含著無比的艱辛與對你們的愛。
在他們被歲月留下創痕的老臉上，還有一雙對你們充滿希望的眼睛，那一雙渾濁甚至有一點模糊的眼睛。
責任，並不是別人給你的，而是自己成熟的思想內定的。
你們都說自己長大了，都說自己成熟了，但我覺得，20歲的你們只是一種表面的成熟。
你對自己父母具有永遠都無法推卸的責任，但是你們卻在無為與墮落當中放棄了承擔的使命。
一學期結束後，回到家裡過年時，你的父母仍舊對你寵愛有加，仍舊對你充滿希望，仍舊對你叮嚀囑咐……
建造一個事物很難，摧毀一個事物卻很容易。
同學們，請牢記並承擔起你們對父母的責任。

在你們的身邊有太多的混日子的大學生，他們過著同齡人嚮往的瀟灑生活；但是成功與偉大的人都是孤獨與寂寞的，他們忍耐的過程中培養了他們超強的毅力與過人的智慧，或許我們就需要這些。

普選改革的主要爭議:過量福利與功能組別的延續

2010-04-05T18:12:00.000-07:00

普選改革的主要爭議:過量福利與功能組別的延續
成名
香港科技大學社會科學部副教授
http://www.hkddn.org/information/doc/Democracy_welfarism.doc

本地對普選抱懷疑的資本家擔心普選會導致過量福利, 上述擔心令他們拒絕普選，並主張保留功能組別，從而保護自由市場經濟及「立法會均衡代表性」。普選會導致過量福利的憂慮合理嗎？功能組別又真的能保障自由市場經濟，並在立法會內注入獨立聲音, 達致均衡代表性？
跨國研究指出，由強大的社會民主黨執政的政府、有力的工會、以及主張在財富分配上較平等的文化，都會有助促成福利擴張及福利國家。假如香港實施普選，上述有利福利擴張的因素出現的機會有多大？

香港有否強大的工會足以落實福利擴張？

一向以來，香港的勞工甚少參與工會，而且工會組織各自爲政。在上世紀80年代大部分時間裡，工人參加工會的比例約為16%。這個數字在80年代末期由於多個公務員工會大幅擴充而上升，但在90年代停留在21%左右、大大低於西方某些國家80%的比例。

在工會組織中，屬民主派的香港職工會聯盟（職工盟）一直與傅統左派的對手香港工會聯合會（工聯會）在眾多勞工問題上爭持不下，對於民主的看法更是大相徑庭。兩者分裂為親民主及反民主陣營，大大地削弱了工會整體的政治動員能力，限制了本港工會推動勞工福利之影響力。

另外，一項在2002年的調查顯示，參與工會組織的工人較之沒有參與工會組織的工人，既不會更傾向參與社區動員活動，也不會更傾向加入政黨。至於受訪者的政黨背景，99.4%的受訪者自稱不是任何政黨黨員，反映香港的工會會員與政黨黨員之間缺乏關聯。調查亦發現要動員工會會員參與民主運動是非常的困難，更遑論要動員沒有參與工會的工人。總括而言，本地工會各自為政、過去彼此之間對於勞工利益議題，在立法會內的投票取向又有分歧，加上工人在工會的低度參與率，都令香港難以指望在落實普選後會出現強大的工會，大幅度改善工人福利。這種情形在自食其力觀念根深蒂固的香港工作人口中尤為明顯。

香港的文化：自食其力而非依賴福利

決定社會福利多寡的其第二項因素，是公眾贊成更多抑或較少的社會福利。在香港，低稅率、積極不干預政策及低福利，已經普遍地被接納為香港回歸前經濟強勁的基石。從文化上而言，有證據顯示，本地華人一向強調自給自足與自食其力。領取福利的人士不時遭大眾輕蔑及標籤為不願承擔責任，只依賴納稅人接濟。舉例來說，在2003年1月，香港大學社會工作學系的齊銥教授估計，至少有十五萬名長者幾乎全靠每月705元的「高齡津貼」過活。他們雖然有資格獲得「綜合社會保障援助」，卻因為上述標籤而未有申領。

除此之外，筆者在2005年進行了一項有關公眾對福利及貧富不均的問卷調查，發現了即使貧富差距加劇，香港人還是傾向認同一個講求競爭、財富按個人成就分配的社會。受訪者認爲，香港是一個低稅率的社會，個人應該為自己負責，而非依賴社會福利。只有25.5%的受訪者喜歡香港成為一個有大量社會福利，但是高稅率的社會；而71.1%的人們喜歡香港成為一個低稅款和個人對自己負責的社會。

同樣，根據另一個由中文大學2001年做的代表性抽樣調查，72.7%的公眾同意政府應該只向經濟上貧困的人提供公共房屋；有能力的應該自己負責。此外，82.5% 的受訪者同意政府應該要求失業和申請綜援者積極尋找工作。最後74.5%的受訪者，同意即使綜援不夠基本生活開支，也不應該讓他們收入多於在職者的收入。換言之，主流文化強調自力更生，減低香港出現過度福利的機會。

倘若香港由民主派政黨執政，會否令普選實施後出現福利主義？

假設泛民主派在普選實行後得以掌權，香港會否實施大量重新分配財富的經濟政策？按觀察所得，泛民主派內部對於財富重新分配的看法存在分歧。例如，泛民陣營內重量級人陳方安生對實現最低工資有保留，而泛民兩主要政黨則支持最低工資。更何況，在全球化的影響下，經濟競爭日趨激烈，香港整體工資水平較諸中國等經濟對手仍然偏高，再加上香港屬外向型經濟體系，大增社會福利開支只會導致政府徵收重稅和削弱經濟競爭力，這對任何一個想繼續執政的政黨來說，都是避之則吉的愚蠢行為。

況且，即使立法會通過大灑福利的動議，特首有否決權。最後，根據基本法第107條﹕

「香港特別行政區的財政預算以量入為出為原則，力求收支平衡，避免赤字，並與本地生產總值的增長率相適應。」

因此，不論是特首或是立法會，任何提供過分福利的政策的嘗試，都可能因基本法第107條而難以強行落實。另外，香港薪俸稅的狹窄稅基會否導致過度的福利主義？

香港薪俸稅的狹窄稅基會否導致過度的福利主義？

根據2001至2002年度的資料，十九萬香港市民的年薪多於五十萬港元，佔全港稅收超過四分之三。既然實際上只有小部分的香港選民為政府政策包括福利政策承擔開支，從政者是否有大可能發起民粹運動，為了獲取選票而向大部分選民承諾增加福利呢？

仔細觀察2005至2006財政年度的稅收數字後，我們發現約有一百二十萬名市民須繳交薪俸稅。倘若把他們的家庭成員計算在內，總數應超過二百萬人，差不多等於立法會選舉登記選民總數的三分之二。因此，假如香港的福利項目大規模增長，課稅就大有可能上升，或多或少會影響到各入息組別，包括中產及低收入住戶。若政黨推動涉及大筆開支的福利政策，進而拉高各入息組別的稅率，那反而會造成政治自殺。綜觀上述因素，實行民主可能帶來過度福利主義的言論未免誇大其詞。更令人放心的是，在20世紀大多數實行普選的國家，普選都沒有引發窮人透過稅制剝削富人。

在具備普選的社會，窮人沒有要求大增稅率
經濟學家歸納了不同原因解釋為什麼在廿十世紀窮人沒有趁普選而要求大增稅率剝削富人︰ (1) 選民知道對剝削富人將有不利的結果，對他們嚴重課稅會導致創造性人才短缺，替所有人帶來痛苦； (2) 很多財富少於平均值的選民，希望自己和他們的孩子將得到高於平均的財富，便避免高稅率，以免破壞他們的將來； (3) 即使高課稅但沒有帶來太大悪果，富人可透過宣傳媒介說服市民放棄提高利得稅率； (4) 市民相信富人和所有人都應得到他們賺取的財富，因此高稅率是不道德的。

再者令人放心的是，在香港和其他地方沒有一致的證據，顯示民主會引起福利或社會保障開支的增加。

國際與本港的經驗：民主與福利開支增長並無關聯

綜觀跨國研究，沒有證據支持以下説法：高度民主的政制會導致社會保障增加。舉個例子，一項有關14個拉丁美洲民主國家從1973至1997年間的縱向跨國研究和過去數年内發表的一項跨國研究均指出，高度民主並沒有引致社會保障開支有任何的增長，也沒有使整體的社會開支水平逐步上升。

另一項有關拉丁美洲及南歐國家的民主與社會保障的研究也同樣指出，民主對於社會保障預算的數額及其分配影響輕微。研究也發現，與非民主政府比較起來，民主政府在社會保障方面的開支只佔國內生產總值一個較低的比重，而且較多為薪俸稅設定上限。相反，一些非民主國家的領導人，為了證明自己管治有方和鞏固自己的統治，反而會增加社會福利開支。

此外，一項本港迄今爲止最詳細的研究也指出，香港的民主程度自上世紀80年代開始提升，但這與福利開支上升並無關係。研究員根據自1975至2002年期間，有關香港民主化和福利開支的時間序列資料（time series data）進行研究。他們的結論是，不論是以分區直選議席的比例、直選議席的比例，還是所有民選議席的數目，來界定「民主」的程度，民主對於狹義的福利開支（社會福利），抑或廣義的福利開支（社會福利、教育及醫療）並沒有帶來增長。因此，上述跨國和本港的研究，否定了民主化會導致社會福利開支增加。最後，功能組別真是有利於維持自由市場經濟和均衡代表性嗎?

功能組別︰不利於維持自由市場經濟和達致均衡代表性
過去兩年，四項有關功能組別能否保持自由市場經濟，和達致均衡代表性的學術研究先後被發表。
首先，第一項研究，探討香港從1998到2004，功能團體在立法會討論社會政策時的角色。該研究顯示功能組別議員傾向以狹義的角度理解他們的界別利益。當界別的利益不能成為立法會行為指南時，功能組別議員通常放棄商議法例，只跟隨所屬政治團體的線路，或者跟隨政府意向投票。這項發現反駁了功能組別會經常注入獨立的意見，豐富立法辯論的假設。另外，研究指出很多功能組別議員的經驗或者專門技能和政策制定並沒有太大關連，這亦解釋了他們在很多立法討論中根本缺乏參與。
第二項研究由香港金融管理局前副總裁黎定得(Tony Latter)主持。透過分析在立法會辯論中的立場，他檢查了2000-2004期間30名功能組別議員對幾個經濟政策關鍵要素的影響。首先，他發現商界主導了功能組別。此外，那些功能組別議員，推動香港政府對經濟作出不少干預。眾多功能組別議員也支持一些引起爭論的政策，例如數碼港。這計劃被批評為津貼某大財團而犧牲公平競爭和市場效率。同樣，另一研究發現，在2004年，功能組別議員反對政府進行有關公平競爭法的可行性研究，及檢討競爭政策諮詢委員會的權力和運作。上述情況顯示不少功能組別議員，已經成為保護既得利益者的集團，犧牲了市場經濟和競爭力的提升。
最後，筆者翻查了由1998 到2004年立法會的投票記錄，從而細察功能組別議員的角色。研究主要集中功能組別議員在三個關鍵政策上的立法投票記錄︰公平競爭，公民自由和政治問責。選擇該三項政策因為它們有利香港進一步的發展，和自回歸後它們受到各種不同程度的威脅。該研究有二項主要發現︰
1. 由1998到 2004年間，有關提升香港經濟競爭和政治問責的動議大多數由地方選區的立會議員提出而非功能組別議員提出。另外，功能組別議員，尤其屬於非民主派的，比在泛民的功能組別議員對這些動議更不大熱衷。
2. 由1998到 2004年間，有關保障香港公民自由的動議全部都由地方選區議員提出而非功能組別議員提出。另外，功能組別，尤其非民主派的，通常反對這些動議。

功能組別議員主要存在的論據，是他們能「平衡」各社會界別的利益，從而保護市場經濟及公平競爭。上述調查發現，屬於親政府陣營的功能組別議員，透過反對改善公平競爭，公民自由和政治問責等的動議，對自由市場經濟和香港長期的繁榮造成負面影響。
既然功能組別選舉，違反一人一票普及而平等的選舉原則，不同界別的選民的數量又有極大之不同，加上大部份功能組別議員壓倒性支持政府的提案，故此期望功能組別議員能反映公眾願望和有效監察政府，便顯得不切實際。綜合上述分析，功能團體既未能發揮獨立監督政府和保護自由市場經濟的角色，在2012年功能組別應該被廢除以達致充分的民主，改善香港整體管治。

Just for Fun...PrinCesses aren't perfect

2010-03-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

哭

2010-03-28T15:08:00.000-07:00

哭，不一定因為傷心絕望。

也許是一個人經歷過重重險灘後對世界的重新打量，對世間萬物的感同身受，
是對殘酷的悲憫，是對美好的珍惜，是“對人生知道得太多”

—— 是因為感觸，也是因為領悟。

LiNk......

The Mean - Best of Both World

2010-03-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

Everything have both or even multi sides. Good or Bad or Millions Possibility in between. Some bad attributes can turn into good ones and good to bad ones, depending on the way u view it.

Some people say i am indecisive, without a stand of my own. but i think everything has pros and cons, a smart person will not try to take stance, instead he will try to weight the pros and cons as accurately as possible, get himself into a mess, and then try to solve the cons...

Useless to avoid the cons and support a stance by emphasizing the pros, because you will soon suffer from the consequences of ignoring the cons...

The key is to balance, to find the mean through your living, because means are always better than extremes.

Why? Because you are taking the best of both worlds.

Marshall Goldsmith

2010-03-18T15:54:00.000-07:00

Marshall Goldsmith is a world authority at helping successful leaders grow by achieving positive, lasting behavioral change in themselves, their people, and their teams. In November 2009, he was ranked as one of the field's 15 most influential business thinkers in a study involving 35,000 respondents that was published by The Times of London and Forbes. Dr. Goldsmith's books have sold over a million copies and have been translated into more than 25 languages. His best selling books include What Got You Here Won't Get You There (also a Longman Award Winner for business book of the year) and his most recent, MOJO: How to Get It, How to Keep It, and How to Get It Back If You Lose It.

In my job as an executive coach, I help my successful clients achieve positive, lasting change in behavior. I am now realizing that often I should be helping them change their identity, the way they define themselves.

If we change our behavior but don't change our identity, we may feel phony or inauthentic, no matter how much we achieve. If we change our behavior and change the way we define ourselves, we can be both different and authentic at the same time. The people whom I have met who have been the most genuinely successful have created identities to become the human beings that they chose to be—without being slaves to the past or to other people's opinions of them.

I don't believe that anyone can become anything just because they choose to do it—for instance, I will never be a professional basketball player. I cannot wish away physical reality with positive thinking. However, I am amazed at what we can change if we do not artificially limit ourselves. I have seen leaders make massive positive changes, both in the way that they treat others (which is about behavior) and in the way that they see themselves (which is about their "created" identity).

Our created identity allows us to change, to become different people, to achieve higher goals. Our identity is not fixed; it is not immutable. It can be altered—and significantly so. One of the greatest obstacles to true happiness and meaning is the paralysis we create with the self-limiting definitions of who we are.
Limiting Identities

No one is safe from this defect. The client who hangs on to the self-image that he's bad at follow-up, long after it's true or meaningful, is literally living with a false identity. So is the boor who thinks his cultural heritage excuses his rough manner. Others know this isn't valid, but because he clings to that identity, he doesn't allow himself the possibility of changing it. These limiting identities prevent us from changing—and becoming someone better than we are.

When we define ourselves by saying we are deficient at some activity, we tend to create the reality that proves our definition. I once heard a client claim that he made a bad first impression. As someone who was favorably impressed by his manner the first time I met him, I asked, "What do you do the second time that reverses the bad first impression?"

"I'm much looser with people the second time," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I know them a little better, so I talk more freely, I joke around. I'm confident that I can charm them."

"Why can't you do that the first time?"

"I'm shy. Being outgoing with strangers just wouldn't be me," he answered.

"And yet, that is who you are the second time," I said. "Don't you find that odd?"

"I've always been like that," he said, as if that ended the matter, as if he was beyond forming a new version of himself and how he is with strangers.

This is a great example of self-limiting behavior. This client stopped trying to make a good first impression because he defined himself as being bad at it. The rest of us are no different. If we tell ourselves we can't sell or are bad at public speaking or don't listen well, we will usually find a way to fulfill our prophecy. We doom ourselves to failure.

Review the various components of your current identity. Where did they originate? If your present identity is fine with you, just work on becoming an even better version of who you are. If you want to make a change in your identity, be open to the fact that you may be able to change more than you originally believed that you could. Assuming that you do not have "incurable" or "unchangeable" limitations, you can create a new identity for your future, without sacrificing your past.

Quoted - All About Love..?

2010-03-10T19:21:00.001-08:00

如果你不愛一個人，請放手，好讓別人有機會愛他

如果你愛的人放棄了你，請放開自己，好讓自己有機會愛別人

有的東西你再喜歡也不會是屬於你的，

有的東西你再留戀也是定要放棄的

人生中有許多種愛，但別讓愛成為一種傷害

有些緣分注定要失去的
有些緣分是永遠都不會有好結果的

愛一個人不一定要擁有
但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛

男人哭了，是因為他真的愛了
女人哭了，是因為她真的放棄了

如果真誠是一種傷害，就選擇謊言
如果謊言是一種傷害，就選擇沉默
如果沉默是一種傷害，就選擇離開

如果失去是苦，你怕不怕付出?
如果迷戀是苦，你會不會選擇結束?

如果追求是苦，你會不會執迷不悟?
如果分離是苦，你會找誰傾訴?

許多事情都是後來才看清
許多事情當時都不覺得苦
然而你已找不回當時的路

有一種愛，明明是深愛，卻說不出來
有一種愛，明明想放棄，卻無法放棄
有一種愛，明知是煎熬，卻又躲不開
有一種愛，明知無前路，心卻收不回來

決定放棄愛她的那一刻，你哭了
你的眼淚證明了你是真的很愛她

愛不是遊戲，愛是真心的
忘記，你做不到，不管你們的解決是否完美

什麼是勇氣？
是哭著要他愛你，還是哭著讓他離開？

男人的自信來自一個女人對他的崇拜
女人的高傲來自一個男人對她的傾慕

永遠不要栽培你的愛人
妳把它栽培的越好，結果只有兩個

她從此看不起妳
或者是被人給偷了

追求一個人不需要太聰明
但離開的手法一定要聰明絕頂

為什麼人們總是不懂得珍惜眼前的人？
在未可預知的重逢裡
你們以為會重逢，總會有緣相會
總會認為有機會說對不起
卻沒想過，每一次揮手道別都有可能是永遠的訣別
每一聲嘆息都可能是人間最後一次的呼吸

也許愛情只是因為寂寞，需要一個人來愛
即時沒有任何結局

有些感情如此直接殘酷，容不下任何迂迴曲折的溫暖
帶著溫暖的心離開，比蒼白的真相要好
因為純粹的東西死的太快

感情被懂，是一種幸福

等待著被懂，是一種孤獨

朋友的關係

2010-02-19T21:59:00.000-08:00

Quote-

最近因為跑步既關係, 突然領悟到, 朋友的關係猶如跑步一般. 有的平水相逄的就像是100m短跑, 有的比較持久一些就是400m, 而我興幸我有很多朋友的關係猶如長跑般一直的跑下去. 而男女朋友的關係就好像半馬拉松一般, 若然在此勝出, 妳便會進入另一個階段, 若然失敗, 便好像只拿了第四一般, 要在下一次再次參賽. 而勝出的便會進一步參加全程馬拉松即是與另一半開心的步進教堂一直走下去直到終點.

看來很易實質很難, 如同跑的過程中怎樣換氣, 如何留力跑到最後, 就好像在每段關係當中你要如何面對, 如何遷就對方, 接受/欣賞對方的一切等等. 所以, 對每一個能找到另一半去跑人生餘下路程的朋友, 我都十分之替他們高興. 更希望我所有的朋友都能找到他們的另一半呢.

*>*>*>*>*>*>*>*>*>*>*>*>*>*

我？。。。不能體會，我大概只會妒忌，不會祝福；只會抱怨，不會改變

多么可恨的人。。。我，我知道

悲觀？。。。樂觀久了，會變自欺欺人

勇氣？。。。需要練習和經驗

經驗？。。。需要用心感受

心？。。。需要真誠面對真實的自己，需要方向

真實可怕的很。。。而我的心也冰封了。。。把它丟到太平洋深處，避得遠遠的，難得的假平靜。。。

這是我現在找到的生存之道，可笑吧：）

完了。。。

Heart and Brain

2010-01-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

Is the heart linked with the brain? When your heart sinks, will your brain stops? My mind has been a complete blank for so long, and I don't know the reason. I wanted to step up, I wanted to find my courage again. But I don't know how..I have been trying to give myself some more time, I have been trying to stop wondering who I am and what I can do..People tell me, just keep doing what you can do and things will be alright. Can someone show me a way, can someone heal my heart, can someone return my faith?

I used to be good at writing my blog, and now I find it so hard even to express myself...I cannot write anymore. Just want to know what happened to me. What can I do?

原來很簡單

2009-12-12T12:23:00.001-08:00

有一個人去應徵工作，隨手將走廊上的紙屑撿起來，放進了垃圾桶，被路過的口試官看到了，因此他得到了這份工作。

原來獲得賞識很簡單，養成好習慣就可以了。

有個小弟在腳踏車店當學徒，有人送來一部故障的腳踏車，小弟除了將車修好，還把車子整理的漂亮如新，其他學徒笑他多此一舉，後來車主將腳踏車領回去的第二天，小弟被挖角到那位車主的公司上班。

原來出人頭地很簡單，吃點虧就可以了。

有個小孩對母親說：「媽媽你今天好漂亮。」母親回答：「為什麼。」小孩說「因為媽媽今天都沒有生氣。」

原來要擁有漂亮很簡單，只要不生氣就可以了。

有個牧場主人，叫他孩子每天在牧場上辛勤的工作，朋友對他說：「你不需要讓孩子如此辛苦，農作物一樣會長得很好的。」牧場主人回答說：「我不是在培養農作物，我是在培養我的孩子。」

原來培養孩子很簡單，讓他吃點苦頭就可以了。

有一個網球教練對學生說：「如果一個網球掉進草堆裏，應該如何找？」
有人答：「從草堆中心線開始找。」有人答：「從草堆的最凹處開始找。」有人答：「從草最長的地方開始找。」教練宣布正確答案：「按部就班的從草地的一頭，搜尋到草地的另一頭。」

原來尋找成功的方法很簡單，從一數到十不要跳過就可以了。

有一家商店經常燈火通明，有人問：「你們店裡到底是用什麼牌子的燈管？那麼耐用。」店家回答說：「我們的燈管也常常壞，祇是我們壞了就換而已。」

原來保持明亮的方法很簡單，只要常常更換就可以了

住在田邊的青蛙對住在路邊的青蛙說：「你這裡太危險，搬來跟我住吧！」路邊的青蛙說：「我已經習慣了，懶得搬了。」幾天後，田邊的青蛙去探望路邊的青蛙，卻發現他已被車子壓死，暴屍在馬路上。

原來掌握命運的方法很簡單，遠離懶惰就可以了。

有一隻小雞破殼而出的時候，剛好有隻烏龜經過，從此以後小雞就背著蛋殼過一生。

原來脫離沉重的負荷很簡單，放棄固執成見就可以了。

有幾個小孩很想當天使，上帝給他們一人一個燭臺，叫他們要保持光亮，結果一天兩天過去了，上帝都沒來，所有小孩已不在擦拭那燭臺，有一天上帝突然造訪，每個人的燭臺都蒙上厚厚的灰塵，只有一個小孩大家都叫他笨小孩，因為上帝沒來，他也每天都擦拭，結果這個笨小孩成了天使。

原來當天使很簡單，只要實實在在去做就可以了。

如果...

2009-12-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

I should cherish what I have now...

- Quote

如果當初媽媽沒有送我去讀英文小學，
我現在的英文水平一定嚇死人。

如果當初升上小學既中學部，
我可能大壓力到跳樓死左。

又如果當初德蘭拒絕我讀中六，
可能我現在已經外出工作。

又如果當初我沒有把HDCT放在band A，
我根本無可能入倒FST。

如果當初入了IVE，
我可能...沒機會入大學。

如果當初臨急都無參加choir，
我根本不會認識這班同志。

又如果我沒有上莊，
我不會跟這班傻瓜咁熟。

如果不是迫我幫人揸音，
我真的不會咁勤力睇譜。

如果當初我沒有做part-time，
我根本沒有勇氣當住住咁多人前彈琴。

如果不是傻下傻下去左LCSP，
我可能依然沒有勇氣對著一大班人講野。

如果當初因為沒信心而無報Non-JUPAS，
我不會讀Food。

生命就是充滿抉擇，

後悔，只是假設了另一個選擇一定更好。

時光不可倒流....

倒不如假設現在的一切都是最好的安排，

少一點埋怨，多一點珍惜、感恩，

可能有一天你會發覺你的假設是真實的。

明日考試，祝自己順順利利啦。

日式溏心蛋

2009-11-27T15:07:00.000-08:00

這個就是在日本拉面店裏賣給你幾元才有半隻的玉子。

做法很簡單，最緊要的是要有耐心。

材料：
味醂（本みりん）。。。1/4杯 (62.5ml)
醬油（しょうゆ）。。。1/4杯 (62.5ml)
糖。。。。。。。。。。1湯匙
水。。。。。。。。。。3/4杯 (187.5ml)
雞蛋。。。。。。。。。6隻

汁的煮法：
把以上的材料（除了蛋）在小鍋中煮滾，然後待涼備用。

溏心蛋的煮法：

1. 先將雞蛋放在室溫中，待至完全的室溫狀態

2. 然後加水（水要足夠浸著雞蛋），開火，水滾計時三分半鐘（或四分鐘）

3. 計時這個步驟很重要，煮久了，蛋黃便會全熟

4. 夠鐘了，熄火，立即把雞蛋撈起放入冰水中降溫（使到蛋白與蛋殼分離，容易剝殼）

最後便是把剝了殼的蛋加入先前已煮好的汁液中，然後放入冰箱冷藏幾天，便吃到入味的溏心蛋～～～

Tips:
1. 味醂，日本醬油可以在日式超市 (City Super, Sogo, APITA, Jusco, Yata)及大超市中買到。
2. 浸蛋時可以用密實袋，這樣便多以一次浸多一點蛋，又不用煮太多汁。記住要把多餘的空氣擠出，較不容易變壞。

12種快樂偏方

2009-11-27T15:01:00.000-08:00

1.)培養興趣。有時間的話，去學習一些新興趣或接觸一些新事物，但不能強迫自己培養一種習慣，否則這就不算得上是興趣了。

2.)樂與人同。把自己在生活中的瞬間靈感寫出來，將之放在社交網站或網誌上，與人分享，或者會有出人意表的事情發生。

3.)期望管理。別對身邊的朋友有過高的期望，少些期望，便會少些失望。

4.)保持社交。定期與三五知己相聚，互相「吹吹水」，可以一起喝一杯咖啡、泡一壺好茶，甚至來個Happy Hour，男士可以「啤一啤」，女士則可嘆一小杯雞尾酒。(但切忌酒後駕駛！)

5.)一起大笑。在假期開始之前，相約致友共渡健康或有益身心的假期，可以到戲院看一齣喜劇，一起傻笑一番，或者特意找一些無聊的說話及傻事，與周邊的朋友分享，也不失為一種令自己快樂的方法。

6.)定期旅遊。可以的話，要定期給自己假期及外遊的空間。你並不一定要出國，因香港也有許多大自然的美麗景色，繁華都市的另一端，就是風光如畫的景象，香港就是這麼有趣、可愛。

7.)保護心靈的盒子。永遠要忘記令你不快的事情，也永遠要寬恕令你不悅的人，因這個心靈的盒子只可以載著歡樂的回憶。所謂見微知著，當你懂得欣賞身邊所發生的一切，你這個心靈盒子也只會擁有快樂，因你已能在每人每事中發現他們存在的價值及意義。

8.)音樂冥想。每天抽一點寧靜的時間，聽一些溫馨的歌曲，並從回憶想想自己遇過最快樂的事情，並相信明天會比今天更加開心，這樣，就算在逆境，你也不會覺得難捱，因你凡事永遠只會從好處去想，並相信一切是上天最好的安排。

9.)關愛至親。不時要帶給身邊重視或關愛的人快樂，令他們感到你的愛、照顧及重視。例如每天發一個溫馨的短訊，或轉寄正能量的PowerPoint給他們，甚至也可將我的文章與他們分享。

10.)佈置家居。定期將家中的擺設重新安排，並打掃一下，這樣可以令自己一回到家中，就有耳目一新的感覺，不至死氣沉沉。

11.)給他/她驚喜。當你想到自己心愛的人時，不妨立刻給他/她一個驚喜，撥個電話，或發一個電郵/短訊，說一聲「我愛你」，製造窩心浪漫。

12.)享受逆境。所謂「山窮水盡疑無路，柳暗花明又一村」，不要將時間浪費在令你憂慮的東西之上，要相信明天會更好。我們要享受逆境，因智慧只會從逆境中生長出來，當你了解這一點，你就不會再感到苦惱。

PS. Don't know whether you will still read my blog...but HAPPY BIRTHDAY :) I hope you are happy now~

忙．忘．亡

2009-11-25T04:59:00.000-08:00

忙．忘．亡

Hong Kong Economic Journal P38 | YZ世代 | By 洪思行

忙

中五的時候，我和其他同學一樣，「忙」着應付會考。忙，或者是以為自己很忙：返學面對測驗考試，放學後又有補課，或曰到自修室溫書。我比其他人活躍一點，會加入學會參加什麼校際音樂節等等。我們那麼忙碌，是為了「過關」。老師說，難關過後是美好的happy year。我們都相信這是值得的、應分的，並對此不曾懷疑過。

成功過關後，雖然高考那微弱的號角聲偶然會在我們的心中響起，不過我們的確享受了優游自在的一年，但原來那只是暴風雨的前夕。高考的程度較難，我們要多花心機應付它。於是我們重投忙碌的懷抱，忙着溫書至凌晨三四點，忙着蒐集marking scheme，忙着做十多年的past papers。我們那麼忙碌，是為了一張大學入場券，以及多姿多采的大學生活。我們都相信這是值得的、應分的，並對此不曾懷疑過。

忘

入了大學後，曾一同忙碌過的戰友各散東西，各奔前程。舊世界崩壞了，不再復返，只好憧憬新的世界。面對新環境、新朋友，唯一不變的，是忙碌的生活。大學的生活實在豐富，大學六件事，除了讀書求知識，上莊學習軟知識、住宿舍變得獨立之餘，又要兼職賺外快，當然少不了求偶的機會。我和很多新相識、舊朋友都全心全意投入生活裏去。

享受精采的生活，腦袋總要付出代價的。生活實在太忙碌，大家都因忙而忘：好朋友的生日，忘記了；許下的諾言，忘記了；聚會，忘記了；伴侶的心情，忘記了；關心朋友的話語，忘記了，甚至連咫尺間的朋友的樣貌，也漸漸變得模糊起來。幸好有facebook，冰冷的熒幕仍儲起點點記憶。我們那麼忙碌，是豐富自己的生命，或是為了實現理想、得到一份優差，什麼也好。總而言之，我們都相信這是值得的、應分的，並對此不曾懷疑過。

亡

精采的生活終歸不像童話故事，能持續下去。隨時間流逝，大家都要面對畢業和找工作等現實的問題。於是，大家只好放棄精采的生活，忙着做final year project或畢業論文、忙着豐富自己的履歷表。我們以為過了這關鍵時刻，一切都安頓後，便能重掌自己的生活。但我觀察到，不論是找到工作還是繼續讀書的，依然逃離不了忙碌的魔爪。我們還是要忙着加班、應付功課、考牌、忙着忙着……忙碌過後，上班一族已經是身心俱疲，再沒有餘力去做自己想做的事，只能早早休息，第二天再上班去。不知不覺間，我們忘記問何時不用再忙碌下去，心靈慢慢地被工作蠶食去，靈魂漸漸枯死。

年輕時以健康換金錢，年老時以金錢換健康。大家因忙而忘，再因忘而亡，我們還相信忙碌是值得的、應分的，並對此不曾懷疑……我不知道，真的不知道。

文洪思行

上了大學才知道

2009-11-23T16:15:00.001-08:00

01.上了大學才知道，兩個天天在一起的人不一定是朋友，有可能什麼都不是。

02.上了大學才知道，從來不要和別人爭論什麼，因為那是沒有結果的，無論誰對誰錯。

03.上了大學才知道，真心對一個人好不一定有回報，而你忽略的人往往有可能是最重視你的。

04.上了大學才知道，很多東西是可遇而不可求的，很多東西你只能擁有一次。

05.上了大學才知道，戀愛不一定是真心的，有可能是利益關係，有可能是攀比心理。

06.上了大學才知道，原來中學老師教的是那麼好，那麼負責任。

07.上了大學才知道，很多時候自己遇到不開心事，千萬不要渴望別人同情，大多數人會採取冷漠回敬的。那樣會更讓人家看不起。

08.上了大學才知道，生活是有很多不公平的，你一定要正視，相信實力和群眾的眼睛。

09.上了大學才知道，人的性格可以差異到如此之大。

10.上了大學才知道，一個人要自己對自己好，因為真正關心你的人很少，有了事他們也
不一定會在你身邊。所以要自己照顧自己。

11.上了大學才知道，課程會在你不經意間，拉下很多，期末考試前不一定能補回來。

12.上了大學才知道，錢用的是那麼快，用錢的地方是那麼多。

13.上了大學才知道，從現在開始應該把握每一個你能把握的人，放棄你留不住的人，不要因為想留住個別人而失去一群人。

14.上了大學才知道，自己一定在乎自己的自尊，因為你的自尊在別人眼裡根本不算什麼。

15.上了大學才知道，不要心情不好的時候對周圍人發脾氣，渴望他們諒解你，人家不是你的父母，現在你可以明白父母對自己多麼重要。

16.上了大學才知道。即便有人對情感看的無所謂，你一定要堅信，人之間的感情，有可能會令所有東西無法超越的，但記住，只是有可能。

17.上了大學才知道，會遇到許多自己看不慣的人或事，但那與你無關，別人愛咋整隨他便，別生不該生的氣，不值。

18.上了大學才知道，許多曾經的人會變的讓你認不出，但請留住回憶。

19.上了大學才知道，會遇到很多誘惑，無論別人怎麼樣，你是你，你有你的原則和底限。

20.上了大學才知道，會有人很討厭你或者和你過不去，但是他愛怎麼樣就怎麼樣，我們要大度，不和小人計較，但前提是你正確。

21.上了大學才知道，很多人無法理解男女之間的朋友關係，在一起就一定是戀人，不是戀人就一定不能在一起。

22.上了大學才知道，學習要刻苦，因為憑聰明就能應付大學科目的人是鳳毛翎角。

23.上了大學才知道，原來時間一空閒下來是那麼無聊，絲毫沒有中學的充實的感覺。

24.上了大學才知道，太在乎別人了往往會傷害自己。

25.上了大學才知道，對自己好的人會隨著時間的流逝越來越少。

26.上了大學才知道，可以不把所有人當朋友，但千萬不能把一個人當敵人，至少可以當同學。

27.上了大學才知道，玩你能玩的起的，玩不起的千萬別玩，不然會輸的什麼都沒有的。

28.上了大學才知道，快樂常常來自回憶，而痛苦常常來自于回憶與現實的差距。

29.上了大學才知道，原來上課，吃飯，上自習常常得自己一個人。

30.上了大學才知道，有很多人的想法與做法你無法理解，或是根本不知道他在想什麼，千萬別在那揣摩或者瞎猜，那樣會讓自己累，既然人家要保持神秘感那就讓人家保持去啊，自己又不是占星師。

31.上了大學才知道，每個人都是帶有“地方特色”的。

32.上了大學才知道，別人請客吃飯或著自己請別人吃飯都是很平常的，甚至請一個不怎麼熟的人都是有可能的。

33.上了大學才知道，手機是有事的時候用的，並不是為了交流感情。

34.上了大學才知道，有很多東西是不屬於你的，但属于你的始终会回到你身边。

35.上了大學才知道，每個人都是認為自己的家鄉最好，無論他的家鄉貧窮或富裕。

離婚協議書

2009-10-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

嫁給這個男人五年了，我不知道我是否還愛他，記得剛新婚的時候，早晨時必定會在他懷抱中醒來，我總是紅著臉不敢說一聲早，怕嘴裡的口氣弄皺了他的眉，

漱口杯與牙刷堅持要和他用同款不同色，擺在一起看才有夫妻的感覺。

我會幫他打點上班的衣物，什麼襯衫配什麼領帶，經過我的審美才准他穿上身。

起了床到餐桌上，為了他的健康，我每天變換不同花樣的早餐，晴朗的天可能是培根蛋加上烤土司，有些下雨的話，或許來點小米粥搭醬瓜鹹蛋，要是陰天，不如就吃些外頭的燒餅油條和豆漿，招式用到我變不出新把戲，可是我樂此不疲。

除了當一個賢慧的妻子，我亦毫不掩飾對他的熱情，「我愛你」是每天恭送他出門上班一定說的話，然後附加一個親密的吻，即使他大多時候只是淺淺一笑，也足夠我高興個老半天。

但是，五年過去了。

我相信還不到癢的時候，可是到底是什麼改變了我和他的互動呢？

早晨起床，他的位置往往已空蕩，只能由皺褶的床單證實他確實存在過，即使他偶爾睡過了頭或者小賴一下床，也絕對是急急忙忙由床上跳起來，匆忙的梳洗著衣。

我已經快忘了被他擁抱迎接朝陽的感覺，盥洗室裡的漱口杯，在幾年前被打破後，再也找不到一模一樣的，而另一個也因為掉到馬桶裡，所以也換了新的。

五年內，牙刷已換了不知幾支，甚至有時我們睡迷糊了，還會用上同一支，什麼口氣的問題都不需要掩飾了，是否一樣顏色，一樣款式，他說這些根本不重要。

因此，洗手台上Hello Kitty和小叮噹圖樣，漱口杯左右對峙，小叮噹的杯裡插著一支綠色牙刷，是我的，Hello Kitty則是空的，因為他前一陣子已改用電動牙刷，擺在架子上。

分屬兩個不同故事的漱口杯，以及位於兩個不同位置的牙刷，彷彿在嘲諷我們的夫妻關係，漸行漸遠。

因為他出門的時間早，打點他的衣著已經不再是我的事，他自己會搞定。

早餐呢？很久沒有一起吃了，我同樣不必費盡心思去想菜單、查食譜，反正沒人賞光，更不用說「我愛你」這句話，還有熱情的早安吻，他無福消受，而且現在說起來也有些矯情了。

仔細想想，五年來，他沒有說過一次「我愛你」，一次也沒有。

我和他相聚的時間，嚴格上來說是從晚上七點開始，也就是他下班回來之後，如果他加班的話，那時間可能要延到十點、十一點。

剛結婚的時候，我為了他去學烹飪，「要抓住男人的心，先抓住他的胃」，我深信這個鐵律。

所以，一些餐館名菜常出現在我們餐桌上，宮保雞丁、五更腸旺、蔥油雞、東坡肉……等。

見他吃得高興，我也開懷，雖然不全是我愛吃的，但是他愛吃就好。

飯後，我們會依偎在沙發上看電視，我陪他看新聞，聽他評論國政、批判社情，

他陪我看八點檔，聽我調侃劇情、大哭大笑。

所以我知道行政院長、立法院長是什麼人，他也知道當紅的李世民是誰演的。

我沒有料到的是，五年的時間可以改變這一切，烹飪班我可以說是半途而廢，不知道從哪天起，

他開始干涉我做菜的方法，宮保雞丁他不喜歡太多辣椒，五更腸旺他開始抵制，蔥油雞叫我別淋油，連滷東坡肉要放多少醬油，他都有話說。

我做的菜漸漸變得簡單，烹飪班也不想去了，有時候一盤炒青菜、貢丸湯和皮蛋豆腐就打發掉他，他反而沒什麼意見。

我想，我抓不住他的胃。

隨著他加班次數的增加，我們甚少在一起看電視了，除了現任總統是陳水扁，我對於國家大事可說一無所知，而他，問都不用問台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰他絕對不可能知道。

夫妻之間開始言不及義，他對我說的話，大多都是「不用等我」、「早點睡」，我跟他說的話，也幾乎是「你回來了」、「菜在電鍋熱著」。

我們沒有相同的話題，沒有相同的興趣，除了「夫妻」名義上的聯繫，我們的交流空泛的可憐，比普通朋友還不如。

多可笑的夫妻關係，不是嗎？

婚前，我們曾描繪著未來的願景，他說要生兩個孩子，先男後女，哥哥可以保護妹妹，我卻認為應該先享受一段兩人生活，生孩子的時情倒不急於一時，只是我不想壞了他的興致，並沒有說出口。

婚後一陣子，他很積極的和我「創造宇宙繼起之生命」，他想要孩子，從他不戴保險套的行為可以看得出來，可是我還不想要，又怕他不高興，於是我背著他吃避孕藥。

記得那時，他還興沖沖的帶我到醫院探視一名女性朋友，她剛生完一個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，神色萎糜的躺在病床上。

我忘不了他隔著一塊玻璃看新生娃娃時，眼中綻放的神采，可是我更忘不了，那位女性朋友用著虛弱的語氣告訴我，

她整整痛了一天一夜，才求醫生由自然產改為剖腹產，我更不敢生小孩了。

五年後的今天，他似乎已經放棄生小孩這回事，畢竟只有他一頭熱是沒用的。

可是，待在他上班之後空洞的房子裡，我突然覺得生個孩子也不錯，至少屋子裡會熱鬧點，我的寂寞，也會少一點。

他早就在數年前就開始用保險套了，我不清楚是什麼讓他改變心意，不過這也鬆了我一口氣，我對避孕藥似乎過敏，不論換什麼牌子最後都落得一個水腫的下場。

我猜他六百多度的近視加閃光，應該看不出我水腫前和水腫後有什不一樣，重點是他的保險套解決了我一個大麻煩，同時又帶來另一個新煩惱。

我現在想要一個孩子了，他卻似乎不想，我不知怎麼跟他開口，更別提他頻繁的加班，晚上常累得倒頭就睡，如果我再開這個口，似乎變相增加他的壓力。

兩個人之間，已經夠低潮了，不需要再增加一個會引起衝突的話題。

在我們戀愛的時候，他很喜歡帶我到淡水，坐在河堤旁看落日，沿著碼頭走一遭，可以吃到不同口味的各式小吃，淡水的海產頗富盛名，他似乎是識途老馬，總知道哪家是最道地的。

有時候，他帶著我坐渡輪到對岸的八里，那裡熱鬧的只有一條路，賣的全是孔雀蛤，兩個人可以吃掉一大盤，還覺得意猶未盡。

他也會和我騎雙人腳踏車沿著淡水老街騎到淡海，再由淡海騎回來，沿路的風景不算十分迷人，但有種質樸的味道，兼之海風鹹鹹的打在臉上，我很享受這種氣氛。

當然，坐在腳踏車後座的我三天打漁兩天曬網，心情好的時候才踩兩下，他明知我偷懶，還是賣力的踩，我很懷念，真的即使過了五年，那段回憶仍然歷歷在目。

婚後到淡水的次數，除了新婚那一陣子，幾乎屈指可數，近兩、三年更是一次都沒去過。

每到假日，他不到中午不會起床，我見他這麼疲倦，當然也不會煩他帶我到處走走。

假日照理說，我和他應該可以有些交集可是他累，我只能自己找事做，和在上班工作的朋友出門逛逛街，聊聊是非，也順便埋怨一下他。

至於在家睡覺的他，午、晚飯，自己解決吧！

他不知道，在前幾個月，我耐不住無聊，自個兒坐捷運到了淡水。

果然，太久沒有去了，那裡已經變成一個我完全不認識的地方，

河堤旁的小吃攤不見了，全部集中在捷運站附近，過去我和他看夕陽的地方整修成一條長堤，僅供散步，路面變得乾淨整潔固然是好，但是收藏著我和他美好記憶的地方，消失了。

沒有他的帶路，我找不到道地的海產店，找不到好吃的小吃，自己一個人也騎不了雙人單車，但我驚訝的發現，淡水多了一個漁人碼頭，可以坐公車過去。

漁人碼頭，他的腳步沒有踏上過，我先了他一步，這是沒有他，只有我的經驗。

到了漁人碼頭邊，風景美復美矣，卻有種人工雕砌的做作，我以為花了幾百元搭乘藍色公路可以到對岸八里，就像渡輪一般，但那失了古風的遊艇卻繞了一大圈後又開回原點。

除了顛簸的船身搖得我頭暈目眩，我記不起來什麼美麗的風景，連孔雀蛤也沒撈到一粒，淡水變了，我和他的回憶，也變了。

某個早上，我特地比他早起，煮了頓睽違已久的豐盛早餐給他。

然後，沒有第三者，沒有爭吵．我遞出了離婚協議書。

那是我第一次看到他那麼震驚的表情，如果那天是愚人節，我想我成功了。

可是，我不會開那般惡劣的玩笑，他知道我是認真的，他沒有像一般男人一樣，暴跳如雷，開始數落女方的罪狀，也沒有哭哭啼啼，跪下哀求我留下，他只是極力冷靜自己的心緒，默不吭聲的接下協議書，開門，上班，一如往常。

他或許也察覺我們的夫妻關係到了一個瓶頸，也打算仔細考慮離婚的可行性，他近幾年的疏離，我沒有流下一滴眼淚，可是他這天的冷漠，幾乎傾盡我五年的淚水。

我有些後悔，這後悔逐漸蔓延，以心臟為一個起點，通傳至我的頭頂及腳趾。

但後悔又如何呢？

不快刀斬亂麻，也只是拖著一個平淡如水的日子，兩個人乾耗。

我不知道自己對他的愛剩多少，更不清楚他對我的愛剩多少。

嫁給他之前，我就知道他沈默寡言，嫁給他之後，自以為能改變他的我，並沒有改變他多少。

我的愛，還不足以改變他，他的愛，亦不足以為我改變，這大概是關鍵所在。

柴米油鹽醬醋茶會摧毀愛情的甜蜜，我嚐到了，但這卻是用五年換來的教訓。

趁現在，沒有孩子，沒有牽絆，我也不貪圖他什麼，該是離婚最好的時機吧！

抖著手在離婚協議書上簽下名的我，交給他之後他出去幾個小時了，我仍然在發抖，

這是一種未知的惶恐，我等他給我一個結果。

他冷淡了我五年後，又凌遲了我七天。

從離婚協議書交到他手上之後，整整一個星期，他不與我說一句話，也睡了七天的沙發，每天仍然照常上下班，除了更加冷淡，我感覺不到他的喜怒哀樂。

那張協議書，就算扔到垃圾筒裡，還會有觸動垃圾袋的聲音，可是他，一點聲音也沒有，我懷疑他根本不當一回事，一段時間不理會我，只是在看我會不會自己忘了離婚這回事。

我受不了了，他到底要怎麼做呢？

連離婚，也要離得這麼漠然嗎？

然而，七天之後的他，結結實實嚇了我一跳，一早，我聽到他在客廳起床的聲音，隔著門板聽不真切，我卻一直等不到他出去上班的關門聲。

一陣乒乒乓乓的金屬撞擊，取代了他一向安安靜靜的作息，我終於按捺不住起身察看，卻在開門後，聞到了一陣食物的香氣。

「起床了嗎？吃點蛋捲。」他笑著，如新婚時我吻他之後那般淺笑。

我心裡狠狠跳了一下，原以為古井不波的情緒，因他久違的體貼，而起了絲絲漣漪。

他還是那麼輕易的，可以撩動我的心，我不清楚他怎麼可以混到九點、十點還不去上班，他接收到我的疑惑，也只是淡然一笑，身上簡單的服裝一點兒上班的氣息都沒有。

可能他，也有工作疲乏吧！

也可能他要宣判了，關於那張離婚協議書，看他神色自若的樣子，我默默吃著早餐，幻想著等一下他會說的話。

他會不會乾脆的就離婚了呢？還是在我面前撕了協議書呢？

不可否認的，我的心，傾向後者。

「我升上經理了。」

他的第一句話，出乎我意料，下一句話，卻馬上進入重點，轟得我措手不及，

「工作上的事告一段落，現在要好好處理家裡的事。」

工作是排在家庭之前嗎？我苦笑。

「工作安頓好，我才能給妳安定的家。」

他像在解釋我的疑惑。

「所以，告訴我為什麼要離婚呢？」

他終於問了，臉色變得嚴肅。

他從來沒有用過這種質疑的口氣與我說話，望著他難得的厲色，我竟一句話也說不出來。

「妳覺得我冷淡妳了嗎？」

轉眼，他的態度忽而又變得自嘲，弄得我丈二金剛，「我就知道妳一個人在家老是胡思亂想。」

我和他長談了一整天，數個小時的談話，有五分之四的時間我是在哭的，因為我覺得自己犯了一個滔天大錯，可是有些事，沒有那張離婚協議書，我永遠不會知道。

他說，五年來，他確實每天都是抱著我醒來，只是後來他工作忙，起床時間變早，而我仍沈睡著，不知道罷了，有時他還會親親我的臉，看著我貪懶的睡顏，他不忍心叫醒我。

而擺在盥洗室的漱口杯，他根本搞不清楚小叮噹是他的或Hello Kitty才是他的，他以為粉紅色是女孩子的頻色，所以他一直用著小叮噹的嗽口杯。

原來，我們一直在無形間，做著親密的唇齒交流，可憐了Hello Kitty，擺在那兒沒人用，成了個裝飾品。

早餐，他吃的都是7-11，他承認很想念我做的早餐，可是他不好意思要我每天做給他，他知道我會擠盡腦汁變花樣，他捨不得看我太累。

「我娶妳，是希望妳享福，不是要妳來當女傭的。」

從他這句話開始，我便止不住眼淚。

提到他的衣著，他更是笑我的傻，他看得出來我會為他添新衣服，按顏色花樣在櫃裡整整齊齊的分類擺放，而新婚時期我常幫他搭配，久了他也知道我的喜好，什麼領帶配什麼衣服，他是為我而穿。

至於熱情的早安吻，每天他早在我熟睡間給我了，我卻兀自鑽牛角尖，認為他不需要我的吻。

「你為什麼從不說你愛我呢？」我噙著淚水問他。

「我以為妳知道，否則我們為什麼結婚呢？」

他理所當然回答。

是啊！我知道，我一直都知道，不然我不會嫁給他的，可是既然知道，我又何必強求他說出來呢？

女人都是需要一些愛語滋潤的，我想這就是理由，看著我控訴的眼光，我想他也知道理由了。

「妳做的大菜，很好吃可是那些菜費工夫，也不全是妳喜歡的，所以我寧可妳做些簡單的菜，最好是妳也喜歡吃。」

他一句一句的解釋，又讓我掉了一缸淚水，「妳不喜歡吃辣，因此我要妳少放辣椒，妳不吃內臟，那我也不吃，妳怕胖，所以料理時我希望油加少一點，醬油鹽份高，吃多腎臟負擔大，為了妳我健康著想，調味即可，不必加太多。」

只要是我煮的，他都喜歡，想想每次準備食物給他，他沒有一次不是吃光的，到底為什麼我會覺得抓不住他的胃呢？

所以，我也抓住了他的心嗎？

另一件令我驚訝的事，他真的知道台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰，即使猜得不完全正確。

「是劉文聰嗎？還是那個李正賢呢？晚上在公司加班，同事都會開電視來看，所以我多少也知道一點。」他撫去我臉上淚痕，笑問：「妳也在看嗎？」

「嗯。」我又想哭了，我真是小覷了那個節目的收視率。

「當上經理之後會比較少加班，那我們就一起看。」

他說得輕鬆，我卻鼻頭一陣酸楚。

我在意的，其實不是看什麼節目，管他行政院長、立法院長是誰，沒有他在身邊，看什麼都索然無味。

我發現，只要願意，兩個人什麼事都可以談，連我跟他解釋台灣霹靂火的劇情，一路聊到整容話題，他也聽得津津有味。

是我，是我封閉了自己，以為他不願意聽我說話、不願意對我說話。

他心疼我一個人在家裡，聊公司裡的事怕悶壞我，又見我一副不想搭理他的樣子，他每天只能摸摸一鼻子的灰。

無論他跟我說什麼，我都是愛聽的，可是我現在才讓他知道，夫妻兩浪費了幾年的時間在這種誤解之間打轉，他活該，我也活該。

「我很少看新聞，都不知道國家最近發生了什麼事。」

我這句話出口得有些抱怨。

「好，我以後每天當妳的新聞台。」他溫柔的笑了。

聊到生孩子的事，他先是一陣默然。

「我想生一個孩子。」這時候，我有勇氣說出口了。

「我以為妳不想，剛結婚那一陣子，妳不是一直吃避孕藥嗎？」難得聽到他有些怪罪的語氣。

進一步了解之後，我才發現，他一直知道我在吃藥，或許是我哪次把藥隨便擱在化粧台上，被他看到了，他徹底了解我不想要孩子。

而他也知道，我吃完藥隔天會有水腫的現象，身子骨纖細的我，一雙腳腫得跟象腿一樣，也只有我這種人的鴕鳥心態，才會認為他不會發現。

後來我養成習慣將藥好好放在抽屜中，他以為我不再吃，怕身子水腫難受，所以他戴起保險套，說來說去，還是為了我。

「妳又水腫了嗎？一直哭個不停，是想把身體裡的水逼出來嗎？」

他居然敢揶揄我，免不了得到我飽以老拳。

他還是想要孩子的，聽完我說想生孩子，他眼下興奮的光芒大大的告訴我這一點。

只不過，那抹光芒在閃爍之後隨即斂去，他又正襟危坐的問了我一個問題。

「妳真的想生嗎？」

「想啊！我一個人在家好無聊。」

「只是因為無聊嗎？如果一個人在家無聊，妳想出去學東西、去工作、和朋友去逛街，我不會阻撓妳。」

「你不是也想嗎？」我生氣了，縱然淚眼婆娑沒什麼說服力。

他開始說起那個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，原來那名女性朋友的經驗不僅嚇到我，也嚇到他了。

他不希望我生孩子還要受極大的痛苦，什麼剖腹產、自然產，他一點概念也沒有，只知道一定會很痛，他明白我怕痛，所以他捨棄了生孩子的想法。

「我不管，我要生。」明瞭了他的想法後，我更希望替他生一個孩子，身體裡流著我和他血液的孩子。

「那就生吧！」他悄悄的在我耳邊說了一句令我臉紅的話。

「你這麼有精力，不是上班很累嗎？」

我狐疑他話裡的真實性。

經他解釋，我才恍然大悟，就算工作累，他偶爾也有慾望，有時晚上摟著我，又看我睡得香甜，這種看得到吃不到的痛苦，他只能鬱鬱的悶在自己心裡，

面對他的心意，我，真的無言了。

在我像兩顆水蜜桃的雙眼略為消腫後，他催我換衣服，帶我出門。

已經好久沒和他一起出遊了，在兩人間的冷淡破冰後，坐在他身邊竟也給我當初戀愛的感覺。

我凝望著他專心駕駛的側臉，將他的動作姿態深深刻在心裡，因為我差點忘了，我和他之間還橫著一個問題，那張離婚協議書。

我要一輩子記住他的模樣，如果他最後仍是簽了名，可是，他應該不會簽吧！

否則，他何必和我討論生孩子的事。

「到了。」他停車，我也隨之下車。

海風迎面吹來，是淡水。

他也記得這個地方，這個我們記憶珍藏的地方。

「我一直想帶妳來，可是妳假日都和朋友出門，我只好蒙著棉被在家睡覺。」他如此說道。

這是個什麼烏龍呢？

我體諒他工作累，他體諒我和朋友出門，就這樣我們錯過了，一次又一次的相伴。

「你以後想幹什麼，可以直接說。」我惱火的盯著他。

「妳也是。」他正經八百的回視我，言下之意是要我別五十步笑百步。

說來也好笑，我們一直認為自己是在為對方著想，以自己的方式去體貼對方，這種自以為是卻導致了無數個陰錯陽差，一直到我開始懷疑自己不愛他，他也不愛我了，才驚覺這份愛並不是消逝，而是溶入了生活之中，自然的讓人忘了它的存在。

愛情的表現，可以是黏膩、親熱、奉獻、祝福，甚至是退讓，每個人的方式不同，會導致的結果各異。

我的方式是盲目的付出，他的方式是全然的關懷，乍看之下兩個人都沒錯，可是無論什麼方式，中間少了一種叫「溝通」的元素，就容易導致裂痕。

我們的婚姻，就是建築在這種缺乏溝通的空中樓閣之上，嫁給這個男人五年了，我以為我漸漸的不愛他，但只是一番簡單的剖白心意，我對他所有的愛再度復活，甚而轉濃。

女人會因男人長久的冷落而對愛情失望，也可以因男人一句話又對愛情充滿希望，

我不想和他離婚，一點兒也不想，當初硬著頭皮簽下名，或許只是賭氣，只是要他正眼看看我。

可是 ……

「那、那張離婚協議書……。」我要收回來。

「在公司裡。」他好整以暇，「公司的碎紙機裡。」

這個意思是… …？

「妳想離婚，等我成為亡夫時再說吧！」

我估量不出他說這句話，是不是在開玩笑，不過他又騙到我的淚水。

他真的很愛我，即使他沒有說過，我想如果我堅持離婚，他會放我走的，他捨不得見我難過，就像他見我掉淚又趕快摟住我一樣。

倘若，是他想離婚呢？

恕我自私，我是堅決不會放的，除非等我變成亡妻，同樣因為他捨不得見我難過，我自信可以留住他。

「淡水整個都變了，我都快不認識了。」

哄完了我，他連忙帶開話題。

「我來過，我知道有什麼景點。」

「那這次就要靠妳帶路囉！」

是啊！我們可以開創新的回憶，只要有我也有他，什麼時間地點都不成問題。

結婚五年，

我又發現了一次愛情。

完*